Merry Christmas ... Our Story of Hope

I finished my radiation on Friday. I'm thrilled to be done with it and looking forward to the "cooking process" to end (which should happen in the next week) and the healing process to begin. Tomorrow morning when I can just head into the office and bypass my time at the hospital I'll be even more thankful to be done. We didn't have a big celebration. We bought a tree at Homewood Nursery, one of our favorite holiday traditions is going there to pick out a poinsettias, and we decorated the house. We spent most of the weekend at the church and it was great to be surrounded by friends. We were asked to give our testimony at church and the girls sang in the choir. Below is our testimony that we gave. It may be the closest thing I get to holiday cards.


We’ve been looking forward to Christmas this year so that 2009 will finally be over. In February, when our doctors diagnosed me with Stage III breast cancer they told me it would take me a year of treatments … a long and horrible year. We couldn’t imagine they were right and it turns out they were wrong. 2009 hasn’t been horrible. It’s been very humbling and rewarding in many, many ways. Not to short change the year, it’s been tough and with a lot of prayers especially from this congregation … we’ve grown in Christ.

At the beginning of the year, life was normal. I took on new responsibilities at work, we were choosing the right kindergarten for our girls, I was training for a half marathon, and we were in a LifeGroup here at church. Things -- according to my plans -- were going well. But that was before I saw the look in the surgeon’s eyes. He has this blend of pain and fear … and the burden of having to deliver bad news. As he and Jeff, sat holding my hand on that Monday afternoon … that was probably the worst day of this entire year. I felt betrayed by my body, scared for our future and confused as to why God could do this to us. Cancer brought us to our knees. We were suddenly facing a new reality. It was a defining moment that showed us that we are not in control of our lives.

We have been involved in church for a while and over the last few years we have gotten even more involved … but honestly we probably haven’t spent as much time praying as we should. Suddenly – that day – we were deep in prayer. Like we haven’t prayed in a long time. We prayed for comfort, for guidance, for help and for healing.

Instead of going online to do research that night … we sent a prayer request to Asbury and called a fellow survivor from the church. She showed up on the next morning armed with books, tissues and most of all more prayer and a lot of hope. We were so afraid. In Philippians 4:19, it says … “God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” Every need we had this year was met. Our family served as a huge emotional support system but most of them are in Indiana and we had a lot of other needs. Many of you have brought us a chicken pot pie or a casserole. It was great to have home cooked meals and words of encouragement. Childcare was another huge concern. Again, God met those needs. From day one, our daughters -- Rose and Grace -- were away at various play dates while I took Ann to chemotherapy and numerous doctor appointments. It was truly a blessing to be at those appointments and know that our girls were safe in loving homes.

Over the years, we’ve had many discussions in various Bible studies about what is “coincidence” and does God really position people so they are there where we need them. This year I’ve come to believe that God orchestrates coincidence. For example, we have a fantastic life group and last winter we were studying Philippians … all about Paul and his optimistic outlook while he was in prison. I’ve never been an “optimistic” person until this year. I can’t imagine it’s a coincidence that we were studying that when I was diagnosed. The Scriptures gave us Hope over and over.

Again, it was no coincidence that in February the KidStuf virtue was Hope. I was scheduled to read Scripture about Hope. The definition declared that something good will come from something bad. And, the easy thing to do would have been to cancel out that week. But I read the Word that morning and it felt like God was right here on this stage holding my hand. My hands shook and my eyes watered but the kids were quiet for a change. And, it felt liberating to declare that … I have HOPE. I believe God will use my cancer for something good. I hate that I have had cancer but I am not sure I would change much about the year. I have grown to see what is really important. And, I have no doubt that it will be used for something good, according to God’s plan.

One of my favorite gifts that I’ve received this year is this little white paper bag that’s filled with Scripture. The woman who gave this to me has no idea how many nights I’ve used this little white bag of Hope when I needed direction and assurance. Every time I stick my hand in it … I pull out a piece of Scripture … and most of the time it’s about HOPE. One of my favorites is Jeremiah 29:11 … “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

I can’t begin to imagine where this journey is all going to end. While my treatments finally ended on Friday – the journey is not over. But that verse from Jeremiah is there to give us Hope. We still have Hope that God will use this for good. Maybe God will use me through my blog or through KidStuf … or maybe even today. Maybe my Hope and Faith will inspire someone I met in a chemo lab or during radiation … maybe it’s someone that I run with, or that Jeff meets at the doughnut shop, or someone in my family who is struggling with their own battles … we believe God has a plan.
 
This year we have felt God fill us with HOPE and that’s what Christmas is all about. We can’t imagine this year without having the Hope that we have in Jesus. The hope that a little baby boy can take away our sins and lead us all to eternal life. We can believe that. Thanks to each of you for all of your prayers and support and Merry Christmas!

Celebrate: A new shade of pink

Thanksgiving was wonderful. I slept in every day and didn't do a lot more than eat, drink and watch the sun set over the sound. I read books with the girls, took leisurely bike rides (I don't count them as workouts) and played a really lousy game of dominoes. Mostly I was thankful. Grateful for all the medicine, doctors and nurses that have helped me get through this year ... but mainly thankful for all the family and friends who have offered Jeff, the girls and I so much support this year. Thank you. I can't imagine how we could have functioned without all the support.

I'm finally almost done. I really can't imagine what a burn victim must feel like as they watch their skin peel and grow. I've got numerous shades of pink, blue and brown on my chest and armpit. My armpit and chest is just a little swollen. I keep waiting to look down and find my chest actually sprouting flames. I didn't ask the doctor if that was possible or just a nightmare. Fatigue is also taking its toll and it's getting more difficult to keep up my fully packed schedule. I'm starting to schedule naps and more down time -- maybe I can catch up on holiday movies.

But under the heading of "this too shall pass ..." I finish radiation on Friday. I've seen a lot of fellow patients graduate in the last few days and today when the "second to last woman standing" graduated we hugged several times and I had to choke back tears. Tomorrow it will just be me and the guys as the regular crop of patients. We usually fight over the paper but they aren't too good at sharing recipes. I've got a little surprise planned for my final appointment on Fri. afternoon to amuse the nurses. I'm looking forward to it.

I've been looking for dresses to wear in the church cantata this weekend. It's tough to find special occassion dresses that have just the right look. Grace was walking rack to rack and says (quite loud) "this one doesn't show your armpits or your breasts, mom" ... I wanted to crawl under the rack. Needless to say, I came home empty handed. The girls on the other hand lovely, sparkling dresses that twirl. Things are so much simpler when you're a child.

Celebrate. That's my motto this season. Well ... and nap!
Cheers!