Caution Hormonal Swings Ahead

Tomorrow I start the "fourth" phase of my treatment ... I begin my hormone therapy. I'll be starting Lupron shots and will take them monthly for the next four months leading up to Tamoxifen which I will take daily for four years. My cancer feeds off of estrogen so these shots and subsequent pills are to keep my body from producing estrogen ... if I understand it all correctly.

I'm a little nervous. I've taken drugs like this before so the side effects aren't new to me. I'm anxious about being hormonal gut busting mood swings, gaining weight, retaining water and losing bone mass. I should be worried about a recurrence but surprisingily I still think God will use this somehow and that I have hope. As a friend just pointed out ... Jer 29:11 ... For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Anyway, my friend Stephanie is going to power through and drive me to all my appointments tomorrow. I'm relieved. These appointments are draining me. Tomorrow morning, I have an appointment for radiation, the radiologist and then move across town to the oncologist. Besides the energy it takes to go to all these, its mentally daunting ... I think Mrs. Ramos may finish radiation tomorrow. She's a Hispanic woman in her late 40s or so with a husband that fills the waiting room with smiles. She doesn't speak a lot of English but she fills the room with these huge smiles that shine through her eyes. I'm going to miss her during these next three weeks as I finish up and move onto the phase ... I wish I was the type who would fill a room with smiles ... but I don't think I am. I guess it's something to aspire to.

Ann

The final stretch

I know it's the final stretch ... the last six miles of the proverbial marathon. Maybe I've just hit my wall. I just really want to pull over to the side and untie my shoe laces. I can't find the right kind of gu, I'm out of water and my electrolytes are shot. My calves are wobbly and my back hurts. I'm probably chaffing too. Everything seems foggy. I guess it's like running a race when you're desperate to quit and knowing your car is still miles away. You just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. It sounds so much easier than what it really is.

Yet, that is what I'll do. Tomorrow I will go into Rex Hospital at 8:45 and will stop by for the next 33 business days. During this time they will use my tattoos to line me up with a huge and intense machine, shoot high concentrations of radiation at the right side of my chest and armpit which will result in an intense sunburn reaction and by Thanksgiving -- fatigue. If I'm lucky, that will be the worst of my side effects. With this daily regiment, any remaining cancer cells in my chest wall will die within the next few months. At the same time, I'll be starting hormone treatments as well.

I guess it's painful because I haven't had regular appointments for about six weeks now and it's been great. I went on two business trips (short overnighters) and one weekend getaway with my girlfriends. This weekend I went out to dinner twice with Jeff ... no kids. Work is crazy stressful right now and I'd like to immerse myself in it ... but it's hard to balance everything. I know I need to focus on my health which means exercise, sleep, good eating and spending time with those who matter ... but it's going to be tough to miss a couple hours of work each day and keep all the balls in the air during the daily juggle. I know it shouldn't matter ... but it does. We all face the daily juggle.

On that note, I'm off to roller skate with the girls school tonight. I hope I don't break anything. (The picture is of Grace running her first one mile fun run, a jingle bell run when she was just four. She was so proud of her very strong finish. This picture always makes me smile.)

Psalms 118:17 I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the LORD.