Step Two ... Scalpel Please

I always wondered if the operating room sounds like it does on TV ... and tomorrow is my chance to find out. Except I'll hopefully be asleep all day.

Many of you have asked if I'm nervous ... I'm not. I've spent the weekend in Roanoke/Salem, VA with my mom's family. I have a horrible head cold and I'm dripping like a leaky faucet but it was a great distraction to keep me from wondering what tomorrow will bring. Anytime there is that much food in crock pots and 9x13 plates ... you know you'll have a good time.

Thanks for all the well wishes and the prayers. We're praying for clean margins and a minimal amount of lymph nodes to be extracted. My parents are here to help take care of all of us and I'm expecting a quiet week at home catching up on chic flicks.

Ann

PS ... Happy First Birthday to my nephew Isaac. It was great watching him eat cake in his birthday suit.

It's been several weeks since I sent my last update and the photos above are from the girls first day of school. It's been very chaotic getting them ready, purchasing all of the school supplies, finding them close toed shoes, filling out form after form, etc. The first photo was this morning with their book bags loaded and ready to get in the car and set in carpool line ... The middle picture and lower picture are from "Meet the Teacher" day on Friday when they choose to dress alike (I'm sure the teachers appreciated that among all the confusion). School went well ... they marched right into class without looking back. I admired their courage. They are very excited to go back tomorrow. Quick story ... Grace told Rose last night that she would do the "I love you" sign in sign language and Rose responded that she would make the (NC State) Wolfpack sign back ... Fortunately, they just waved and touched each other gently during lunch which is the only time they crossed paths today.

I don't have all of their courage. I tend to look back ... but I've made a decision and I hope I don't look back ... I scheduled the next step in my fight. I'm going in for surgery on Aug. 31st for a lumpectomy. It was a luxury to have a choice to make and I'm praying for clean margins. I am most thrilled that this is even an option because it wasn't an option back in Feb. when I started chemo with a 6 cm tumor. But, the survival rates long term for the lumpectomy and mastectomy are virtually the same -- so I am going to start there. If I mentally can't handle the stress of not knowing and thinking it still could be cancer in my breast ... I can always get the mastectomy. I'm also going to have a sentinel node biopsy and axillary node dissection of my lymph nodes. My MRI of my lymph nodes looks good now (after chemo) but I'd like to get a clean report from my pathology on the 31st. I've had the lumpectomy described as much like the biopsy I had in Feb. The surgeon will use the same incision. I don't remember that one hurting me for too long but I'm just starting to realize what a fog I was in back in Feb./March when I started all of these treatments. The doctor reports it will be the incision under my arm for my lymph nodes that will be the most painful and will require drains. If anyone knows different ... call me ... Also, I tried to get my catheter/port removed from the left side of my chest (that's where they do my chemo infusions) but my oncologist wants me to keep it a few more months in case I need it again. That bothers me but I'm trying not to dwell on it. After all, Sports Illustrated is not calling me to be a swim suit model ... So that's the update from here.

Jeff is gearing up to work on the kids programming at church and seems to be adjusting to the idea of a lot of time at home alone. I'm working on a special, detailed PPT for my "honey do" list. I think he'll be volunteering at school just as soon as he can (we have to turn in the form first ...). So, we're all in a period of adjustment and new challenges in our lives ... but isn't that life?

I try to keep busy enough that I don't dwell on all the changes. But, as one of my favorite verses from the Bible ... Ecclesiastes 3


<< Ecclesiastes 3 >>
King James Bible

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1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.



What time is it for you?

Ann

Good News and Good Times

We've been out of town ... Jeff and I were very lucky to have my friend Nancy and Rebecca/Mark (my sister and her husband) watch the girls this weekend and we went to Blowing Rock. It was a beautiful weekend in the mountains especially since it was much, much cooler than Raleigh. We stayed at the Victorian Inn (highly recommend it) and ate our way through Blowing Rock. Throughout most of chemo my taste buds have been off kilter. Things just haven't tasted the same. But this weekend, I ate like a queen. Steak, pasta, chocolate, french toast, apple tart, etc. The town is small -- only a few blocks long and the people were so friendly that we started talking about retirement.

And, that's what the whole weekend was ... it was like a long conversation with a long lost friend. Jeff and I have talked a lot this year but sometimes it just feels like we talk about today or tomorrow. With the luxury of a weekend we took the time to dream and project out another 10 or 15 years which we haven't done for a long time. We'd talk about the girls starting kindergarten one minute and the results of my recent MRI in the next. We talked about options and surgeries between admiring waterfalls and vistas. We sat and sipped a glass of wine while we discussed the pros and cons of a lumpectomy or a mastectomy.

In a nutshell, the doctors have left the decision up to us. They've given us a lot of data ... and left the final decision up to me. I had a great response to chemotherapy according to my MRI last week so the option of a lumpectomy has been given to me. That's MAJOR improvement from where I was at in Feb. And, now the decision is ours to make.

I'm praying for guidance and wisdom and I think I've made my decision ... now I just have to call the surgeon ...

God Bless,

Ann