Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Tears of Perserverance

So, yesterday I had to leave work. I was overcome by nausea and dizziness and I was seeing double. It was humbling and frustrating. I was pissed. I should be better than that. I had to ask Jeff to come get me and he looked frightened when he met me at the door. I felt pathetic.

And, I shared my frustration with my running partners and Nancy ... who must live on the Internet ... sent me this video. It's Derek Redmond finishing the 1992 Barcelona Olympics and his Father coming out to help him across that line. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1YhP5zSicdk The music and the text is beautiful, it's about how our heavenly Father is here for us ... not sitting in the stands when we need him. It had me in tears sitting at my desk earlier today but I can't shake the image of Derek crying on his fathers shoulder. It goes along with the devotional I'm reading called "Bend in the Road" which is all about how cancer is just a disruption and a bend in the road and how you never really learn anything if it's handed to you ... that you have to work for things and you learn more from suffering than any other way.

So yesterday I weighed in on my Father's shoulder ... and although it still doesn't explain why this is happening to me. But it feels good to know I'm not alone. And, I'll tell everyone that a lot of good things has come from this cancer already ... but it was a really tough way to start the week.

Today was a great day. I went for a short run and a good walk. And, everyone in my office wore a hat in support of me. Nearly 40 ball caps, fedoras, etc. all worn for the duration of the day. It was humbling and a great show of support. I couldn't adequately say thank you today and I need to but I was afraid I'd break down if I said much ...

Onto tomorrow ... thanks for all your prayers. They get me/us out of bed in the morning.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Feattthhherrrs (feathers)

Several people have asked what the girls reaction has been to my hair ... the girls say it feels likes feathers ... except they can't pronounce it very well. So, it comes out feattthheerrsss. That means when you push it one way, it's soft. When you run your hand against it ... it's kind of prickly. They aren't afraid and Jeff actually really likes it (or so he says). Grace loves to wear the hats and Rose is enjoying picking out my earrings because they really show up now. We did keep all my hair to give it to the birds for their nests ... but we're waiting for it not to be so windy to put it out. I did save a lock of the hair for my own scrapbook ... just in case it doesn't ever come back, or comes in gray. I'll have a lock to give to my stylist to match.

The wig went over well at church today so I'm off to work tomorrow to see how it will go. With not a doctor appointment on the calendar this entire week, I have plenty of time to wear it.

And, I made it on a walk today. Not fast and certainly not speedy. But, I managed to make it about 2 miles (or Nancy will correct me). I just can't believe last week I could run and this week it was hard to walk a distance.

It was a great spring day though. It was lovely weather. I'm craving watermelons again (same thing as when I was pregnant) so we polished off taco salads for dinner and then we ate a watermelon for dessert.

Two posts in one day ... hope you each had a great day. Thanks for all the support.

Love to you all.

Another rainy Saturday

I was finally awake most of the day again ... of course it rained all day and like anyone else ... I wanted to get out. Jeff and I attended a "Get Real and Heel" program for exercise after chemo. I'm probably a little ahead of the curve on that one but what drove really hit me was that Jeff sat in a room full of older women as the only man and was very supportive. I don't know if I would have stayed without him.

It was my first time out of the security of our house in my scarves. No wig yesterday. And, we ended up at lunch with our friend Scott who, bless his heart, treated me just like normal just barely asking about the scarves, and even then very complimentary. My confidence soared. The girls have asked me to wear the wig to church this morning ... I'm sure they'll tell everyone at first. Since the hair hasn't completely fallen out yet and it's like a buzz cut, we haven't painted my head yet ... but the paint is on the counter waiting for a shiny spot. So far, they've been very good and Rose seems to like it very short.

I'm still studying Paul from the Bible. How strong he was and how dedicated to a cause. I keep looking for his strength in my fight. I'm humbled to see all the obstacles that are put in front of him and how he always has a positive attitude.

Jeff is taking my mom to the airport right now. I'll need that inner strength from Paul in the next two weeks. We're hoping Jeff's brother will be through here for the next treatment just before Easter. That's when I sleep the most and Jeff goes back and forth to the pharmacy the most.

Thanks to everyone for the cards, the meals, the flowers. I'm slowly making it through thank you cards ... but please know that your words of support humble us, comfort us and lift us up during the bleak days.

And, Mom ... thanks for coming. We'll miss you dearly this week.

Love,
Ann

Saturday, March 28, 2009

What's Vanity ot to do with Chemo

Well, after sleeping nearly every hour of Friday. I stumbled out to pick up my wig. Except ... to do it justice we had to shave off the rest of my hair. Which, my aunt Becky will be thrilled to know ... we kept to give to the birds and the bunnies for their nests. It's a circle of life, right?

I look pretty funny. Kind of like Demi Moore In GI Jane. Fortunatley there are no budding lumps where my horns should be. The wig that Rebecca and I picked out is great ... a very casual wig with style but not really well coiffed. And, we learned how to wrap scarves and caps and when to wear what ... it was very insightful. My colleagues gave me about six scarves that I'll get plenty of wear out of and I have three or four hats.

The chemo itself has gone well this time. I'm sleeping more than I thought possible but my stomach isn't as queasy. My mouth is bone dry. People have dropped by outstanding meals like soups, stews and casseroles. We are well taken care of ... what a blessing that has been. I'm glad it's raining so I don't miss going outside.

I could use a walk and signed up to go to an exercise and chemotherapy type seminar for mid-morning. Jeff is taking me. Even a walk would be a welcome form of movement ... if I can just stay awake long enough.

Hope you all have a good weeekend. Squeeze someone you love,

Ann

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Chemo ... Round Two

Day Two at Chemo ... I slept better but there was still a lot of pain from the port. Jeff finally made it in from the hockey game at 1:30 and then I woke up at 5 for a walk ... except it was raining so we went back to bed. It's nasty and rainy outside today kind of like my perspective on the chemo.

We ran into some issues cutting the tape and bandages off to access the port but with just a few tears squeezed back (for Mom and me) we made it through so they can use the port and leave my veins alone ... YEAH.

The best news of the day came from my first measureement two weeks ago, the tumor was hard and about 6.5 cm x 4.5. A monster. The first treatment softened the tumor, a good sign and we shrunk as well. To 4.5 x 5. Fantastic.

We've switched up a few cocktails and I slept most of the afternoon but the nasuea ins't too bad. I had a hamburger when we left chemo, a long nap, a short walk (just one half mile) and now I am watching Purdue and UConn. I hope the score turns soon.

I'm reading the book Bend in the Road when I can and all about Paul and the many, many tribulations he had. Take these thorns he cried ... I feel the same way. Another study I read recently mentioned was deep water and how terrified people can be of deep water ... I love deep water. It allows you to explore more and challenge your body more ... maybe deep water is like my cancer. Who knows?

Small handfuls of hair are falling out. So, I'm going to get the wig and lessons on using a scarf tomorrow. We'll need to sweep our bathroom floor and change our bedroom sheets too. I many have much hair but it seems to be falling fast.

Thanks to everyone for all the cards, home made remedies, food, flowers and cards. We feel so blessed to have so many people helping us out. Thank you all.

Go Boilers!

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

You're from IU? I'm Gone.

So, in the middle of my procedure today, I asked the doctor where he went to medical school ... Indiana University? Gulp. And, undergraduate at Notre Dame. I was ready to leave but the three nurses hovering over me that looked like the three good fairies from Sleeping Beauty convinced me to stay. I mean really ... IU? And, he looked so young.

He put the port in my left side with a small incision on my neck and another just below on my ribs about two inches down. It hurts like I've had my collar bone broken, something stuck in my throat or strangled. It's hard to turn to my left. Fortunately, I don't have heartburn tonight.

Jeff took the opporunity to go upstairs and mingle with the folks in the chemo lab. He got me hooked up with a new nausea medicine and a low dose blood thinner. And, some funky cream to use on my port to help numb the area before I go in on Thurs. for my next chemo treatment.

Rebecca took Rose biking and Grace went to ballet. Mom helped me out.

I'm trying to keep a positive attitude. No tears. No fears. I'm ready for that.

Off to bed ...

Ann

Monday, March 23, 2009

Run. Rest. Run.

Well, Friday was one of the toughest days I have had. My white blood cell counts weren't as high as what the doctor wanted ... so I had to get a booster shot of Neuopgen. They did it in my arm "wings," that bit of flab most women have, and it hurt like being hit by a baseball. Then my back went crazy during a long meeting I was in ... true spasms. I nearly cried during the meeting.

To end an already long day, I had a long ride to Norfolk with Mark, my brother-in-law. I took my pillow and new Snugi and lots of mouthwash/mints to wash for mouth sores. I think I had at least four canker sores at the time. Very painful. Fortunately, the metal taste is gone as I've gotten further from my chemo treatment ... and Mark told lots of stories to keep my mind off the pain.

I rested most of Sat. I took several naps and nearly got rid of the bags under my eyes. I skipped watching my brother,sister-in-law and hubby run the 8K to stay home and watch the baby ... we both took naps.

Sun. morning I headed out with Dad, Rebecca (my sister) and Mark to run the half. Normally, I'm not a cheater. I'm against it. It's for losers. But, I couldn't run the entire half, my back was tender, my shoulders ached. It was 32 degrees. So, I planned to run half of the half. The people watching was top notch -- there were all sorts of funky tights and costumes but the women I zeroed in on were wearing the "survivor" shirts. Two women. One in her 60's and one in her 40's. I wanted that t-shirt.

I ran the first three miles with Becca and Dad. They looked strong when they jogged on up the road. Thankfully, Dad shed his jacket and I wore it. As I stood there for just over an hour, I was shaking in the cold. I got to see the gazelle like leaders make the turn at mile 9.5 where I waited. They were so intense. During my wait, I thought a lot about running and how many different shapes, sizes, colors (some men were painted green), skills, etc. were out on that course. How much I wanted to be there in the steady stream of runners and I pondered what races I'd like to do when I get my clean bill of health. And, I got angry that I've been told not to do this race when all I hear is how good exercise is for you. Who knows where to draw that line?

Finally Becca and Dad started waving from the crowd and I jumped back in. They looked strong although Dad was shuffling a little. We passed this house making home fried chicken which smelled awesome. Everyone cheered for "Frank" as we passed. I'm not sure if it was because he was shuffling, his beanie that made him look like a priest, his grey hair or the beauties around him ... but he got a lot of cheers. Rebecca and I started pointing out to folks that this was his first which got him even more attention.

We finally turned the corner onto the boardwalk and could see King Neptune above the crowd. What a sight with the Atlantic Ocean to our left and the finish line ahead. We hammed it up for the cameras and I asked if we could do it again next year -- except next year, I'll run the whole thing on my terms ... not a doctors. My whole family was at the finish line wearing funny hats -- with a beer mug, a shamrock, green and white stripes ... I love my family.

I nearly cried at the end and I'm so proud of my Dad for running it. My sister for inspiring him and him inspiring her and so on. You never know when you're being inspired or inspiring someone. Bec and Dad looked sore when we left yesterday, Mark was moving good, I felt great. I'm sure I did the right thing by listening to my doctors ... but I don't like being told I can't do something.

Tomorrow morning I get a port put in my chest to help save my veins and Thursday I have chemo again. My scalp hurts ... but my hair hasn't fallen out. I'm not complaining but it makes me worried that maybe the chemo isn't working. It should fall out on Wed. if the doctors are right.

Sorry it's so long ... but that's the update.

Go Boilers!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

... a good time was had by all ...

We had a HUGE throwdown of a party last night. Our yard looked like a college campus this morning. It was ugly. The kids used their plates as Frisbees. But, the night was great ... a terrific reminder of how many great friends we have in the area (or how much people like pizza). I think we were upwards of 70 people flowing through the house. Thanks to all who stopped by or called.

Today I got my pixie cut. If you've ever seen Hook with Julia Roberts ... I look like her now. Well, not exactly. I like it ... but it's short. Sometime this weekend my hair should get thinner and then next Tues/Wed it will fall out. Suddenly, it all seems very real. Scary real. Driving to the stylist ... who made me feel like a million bucks ... the tears were flowing as I listened to Martina McBride's song "In My Daughters Eyes" ...
This miracle God gave to me
Gives me strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes

Tomorrow morning I head to the doctor office for a blood draw. They'll check to make sure my Neuopgen is working. That's the daily shot that Jeff gives me to help guard against infections and raise my white blood cell count.

Go Boilers ... that was closer than it needed to be.

Ann

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Happy Birthday to my Partner!

Today is Jeff's birthday. Jeff traditionally calls March ... "Jeffmonth" and this year he hasn't been able to celebrate in true Camden style. But tonight we've got loads of folks stopping by to play Guitar Hero and grab a slice of pizza. If you're in the area, swing by. Make him laugh ... celebrate life.

We met with the radiologist yesterday afternoon for an enormous stretch of time. She was thorough and detailed and we rehashed a lot about tumor sizes, family history of cancer, genetic testing and mastectomy vs lumpectomy and lymph nodes. We won't actually see her again until very late this year after 20 weeks of chemo and surgery plus a few weeks of healing. Jeff liked her. And, I liked her. But she scared the crap out of me. Lots of statistics about death and survival rate, radiation failure, cancer because of radiation, burning skin ... etc. By the end I was sure she had horns.

The heartburn continues and I'm calling in for a prescription for that now ... I hate taking pills. Ambien was going to cost me $20 a pill ... a little steep ... so I need to ask my doc to call in for Lunesta as well.

The highlight of my day was THE RUN. It was the camaraderie, the birds singing and the outfits. Nancy purchased three t-shirts for us to wear and when I showed up at six ... she and Steph were crouched behind a car ... wearing pink t-shirts (which is odd for both of them) and jumped out sporting "Save Second Base" t-shirts with baseballs strategically positioned. With a little glow in the dark paint strategically put on the "stitching of the balls" these could be a riot of a running shirt. I slipped mine over my head and off we went, four miles later when we proudly walked into the Y ... not a man would make eye contact. It was hysterical.

Happy Hump Day. I get to see my parents this weekend. I've never wanted to see them so bad in my life ...

Ann

Monday, March 16, 2009

One Month Survivor

So, my friend Kathy told me on Day Two of the diagnosis ... you are already a survivor ... you're surviving with breast cancer. Today is my one month anniversary of being diagnosed. Now I have a survivor life span ... How so much changes in one month ...

I have serious heartburn (physical) tonight and my mouth sores are coming, I try to drink water and it's horrible. It's like the city suddenly dumped heavy metals in there ... I used to hydrate like a champ. I'm using organic mouthwash ... like four times a day.

I worked a solid day today and it felt great to focus on something else. I even put in a few extra hours tonight to make up for tomorrow when I go to meet my radiologist. Usually when I filled out the paperwork for a doctor, I always skipped over medicines and previous illness ... I have nearly 10 medicines I've taken in the last week if you include heartburn and Vitamin I. Times have changed. If you get to skip all those sections 3-5 full of medicines, medical conditions, etc. you should hug yourself.

I'm supposed to meet my running buddies in the morning. Should be an interesting testament to my self discipline. They tell me they have something for me ... since it'll be dark outside ... I hope it glows.

Love to you all ... if you're somewhere where it is not pouring outside ... look up at the sky for me ... I am over these four days of rain.

Ann -- a one month survivor with heartburn

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Purdue won the Big Ten Tournament

What more can I say? We smelled like chlorine, fresh from our swim, we watched it with my friend Nancy, she came over ... and the girls are painting in their toy room ... giant block P's. We're making chocolate covered strawberries for dessert. I'm calling for sleep aids in the morning ... life is GREAT.

Go Boilers!

Sleep ... why does it escape me?

Last night, I couldn't fall asleep until 4:30 and tonight I awoke at 3:30 ... I have to switch medicine. Last night it was nausea, tonight it was my bones hurting. I ache from the Neuopgen shots that Jeff gives me. The argument is legitimate that I overindulged on both days. I watched too much basketball (YEAH BOILERS), quilted, read, shopped, worked out at the over crowded YMCA, cleaned up a bit around the kitchen, etc. I 'm legitimately tired.

The girls are doing well. Rose has her tonsils swelling again. She is still on medicine. Her eyes light up when we talk about painting my hair with flowers, hearts, X's and O's. She and Grace want to know if it will grow in that way when it comes back. I thought I marketed this as a once in a lifetime event. I need to read our contract. I'm afraid to sleep ... what if they start painting in the night ... and I wak up looking like a rainbow. I'm planning on taking them to the indoor pool at the Y tomorrow after church. My bones could use the weigthlessness and we could use the laughter. Sadly, my vanity could use one more trip, even in a fitness swimsuit to the Y before I shrink or swell and lose all my hair. I'm starting to have anxiety about all this.

Tonight I almost lost it. I had a great afternoon shopping with my sister for Easter outfits, birthday gifts and wigs. I splurged on something for myself that a benevolent Aunt sent me (wink, wink). I was thrilled. Then our fridge went out. Long story, we hate the fridge. We should be redoing the kitchen this spring and a new fridge is not out of the question ... but not today. Not now. We dialed up Jeff's dad, aka Mr. Fix It, and by then Jeff had a solution. Half of our outlets are shot and we have ground fault issues. We need to buy ice trays. I really thought I was going to kick the fridge and throw a tantrum over it ... an icebox ... I mean seriously ... why doesn't anything work forever.

Well, that's a pretty bitchy post for me. I'm tired and cranky, looking forward to swimming in the afternoon since its going to rain again all day.
More positive posts tomorrow.

It's not really Scripture ... but what is the history/background of that song "One toke over the line Sweet Jesus, one toke over the line, I've been sitting right here in a railroad station ..." Is this about drugs or going home? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ye3ecDYxOkg It keeps running through my head ... Lawrence Welk calls it a modern spiritual. Hmmm.

It's 5 here now ... I guess I'll check the office mailbox and whittle through some of that. Remember Boilers play this afternoon around 3:30 ... go Boilers!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Where does the time go?

Don't ask me ... I don't know. Yesterday I participated most of the day in our shareholder meeting until around 3:00 or so. I hated to miss out. I know it's silly ... but I'm afraid out of sight, out of mind ... but I had to balance that with the potential for throwing up on someone so the phone conference seemed a win:win.

And, I slept all day today. All those nights of sleepless energy are gone now. I have slept like a baby for several nights and days now. Today I woke up, showered, dressed and after a bite of breakfast ... I changed into comfortable clothes and headed to the couch. I didn't see much of the rest of the day. I rode in the car with Jeff to pick up the girls this afternoon. Another problem, I am not drinking fluids like I should ... nothing tastes good. I've tried orange juice, Gatorade, Ensure, milk, water, etc. Nothing tastes the same.

Someone sent beautiful flowers to my office. There was no card which means I can't send a proper thank you. It has a beautiful verse from Zephaniah 3:17 ... "The LORD your God is with you. He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love. He will rejoice over you with singing." I wish I could send a proper thank you.

Well, here comes Jeff with a syringe loaded and headed toward my belly fat ... good thing I have all this cushion to utilize ... it's to help my body fight infections. Darn, he's fast ... and smiling like a cat that caught a mouse ... YIKES.

Love,

Ann

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

One day down

I made it through my first appointment. It wasn't bad. Just a lot of setting in my LazyBoy and waiting for the drugs to drip. It starts with a few anti-nasuea pills, plus another one via my drip, followed by two different official cancer killing drugs. I have an assigned nurse from Philly and she sat there with me most of the time checking my symptoms, etc.

I made it home and I was pooped. I slept most of yesterday and all night. I wanted to go for a walk but I couldn't handle that. No energy. I got sick a couple of times but hopefully the girls didn't notice. I want them to be protected from that.

Today is our anniversary ... 14 years of wedded bliss. We had pizza after our reception ... I guess this is the "in sickness and in health". Jeff is a trooper, a real prince and I'm lucky to have him ... even when I don't show it. We are already talking about a trip to the beach, or maybe Napa/Sonoma for our 15th year and as my pie in the sky ... for our 25th wedding anniversary, I'd like for all four of us to go to Paris. There's a light at the end of tunnel.

That's all the energy I have for the day. Grace still has a slight fever and Jeff made it to doughnut day. Rose is perky as can be.

Ann

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

And ... they're off ...

Well, we leave in just over one hour for chemo ... funny enough, I'm struggling with what to wear. It's a BEAUTIFUL day out ... and I suppose I should wear short sleeves so they can get to my IV, etc. I think they have blankets there for us to cuddle under in our Lazy Boys. I wish I would have loaded my Ipod with better stuff.

Jeff's making me steel cut oatmeal right now. I love the real stuff, the birds are singing, I've got a window cracked and I'm ready to get started.

I'm amazingly calm and the words from "How Great Thou Art" keep flowing through my head. With Jeff's mom and sister here last night; Grace running a fever most of yesterday hovering at 101; and a day full of really good meetings at work ... today has almost snuck up on me. I like the distractions.

So, the proverbial gun is about to go off ... and today will start the longest run of my life that I haven't really trained for, I don't know what the terrain will be and I have to realize that I don't need to finish first ... I just need to finish for the longest.

Stephanie has put together a calendar for us at http://www.carecalendar.org/, calendar code 13087 and generic code 1254. If you'd like to help out and bring a meal, take a kid for a day, etc. please go there. It should allow us to better orchestrate meals and so forth. They have been wonderful and a huge blessing.

So, as I leave for the day I'm thinking of this card someone sent ... no Scripture ... just a picture of a bulldog on a leash that says ... Ann (okay ... it was a different name but I like mine better) Ann was so tough, her poodle skirt had a bulldog on it ...just remember, you're tougher.

I hope so ... see you on the other side of chemo!

Love,

Ann

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Why wait

Not much to report of course ... I'm tired. Sleeping better but just fatigued ... and I haven't started the treatments yet.

It's beautiful weather here. The girls are playing outside and I've promised them a trip to go help me pick out wigs and hats. I think getting them involved will help us all. One of the nurses recommended letting them paint my head when my hair falls out ... I'm a little nervous about that.

Jeff and I brought down my "new" dishes today. MaryBeth helped me wash them. For nearly a year they've been in the attic while I waited to redo my kitchen and get a new dishwasher. Large, plain white and very simple -- nothing fancy. Why wait? As Jeff and I celebrate 14 years of marriage this week ... which means 14 years of using the same dinner dishes ... I think it's time to use the new ones ... even if the kitchen isn't perfect. Who knows ... maybe I'll eat dinner wearing that new dress that I've been saving for a special occasion.

It's been a great weekend, I watched Stephanie place 9th in her first marathon; Nancy, Jeff and I decorated Andrew's yard with nearly 50 pairs of used running shoes to celebrate his birthday; I took a nap in the backyard on a lounge chair and I celebrated our anniversary at Hayes Barton with a HUGE slice of coconut cake and a great dinner. And, the church program today keeps reminding me that HOPE: believing that something good can come out of something bad. So many of our friends hugged me at church today it was almost more than our wedding ...

Hope you all had a great weekend.

Love,
Ann

Friday, March 6, 2009

Chemo ... Delayed

I was ready. I'm tired of dragging this out. But, the infusion specialist can't fit me in on Fridays right now. So, I'm starting on Tuesday and will do 3 treatments every other week and then switch to Thursdays and soon afterwards, going every Thursday. FUN. They confirmed the tests from Tuesday looked good. And, I've got two more sets of results from yesterday that are still pending ...

So, we sat for several hours learning about all the fun side effects and the various pills I'll be popping. Fatigue, nauseau, hair loss, dry skin, chemo brain (forgetfulness), mouth sores, etc. I can hardly wait. I guess I'll go shopping for hats, scarves and ... a wig.

Let's get it on already ...

On the bright side, I get to see my dear friend Steph run her first marathon (the Umstead) and party with her hubby as he turns 40 this weekend. And, Jeff's mom and sister are in town and so we can enjoy a visit with them in our 70 degree weather.

I know I'm way behind on email, returning phone calls and writing thank you notes. Please know that I've shed as many tears as being moved by the sentiments of our family and friends than I have over this diagnosis ... and those are tears of joy. For those, I am grateful.

Love,
Ann

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Strep Throat

Rose has strep throat. She's contagious for the next 24 hours. She's home from school today with Jeff. Grace's voice will be raw soon ... she hasn't quit talking. She loves it when she gets more attention. Jeff is sure he's getting it now ... and I'm going to try to avoid all of them.

The tests were big fun yesterday. Nancy, my running buddy, sat with me. She was very patient and accomodating, didn't complain once and talked about all sorts of fun things like surgical glue, running and knitting. It was like the Amazing Race through the hospital ... find radiology, find the mobile MRI, drink this magic potion, let us stick this in your arm, find a restroom, etc ...

Early indications are that everything came clean ... Praise the Lord ... no cancer in my abdomen, bones, pelvic, etc. At my final appointment of the day -- with my surgeon for a needle biopsy of my lymph nodes -- she pulled up all the results and let me know that things were looking good from the rest of the body perspective. We finally left the medical plaza at 2:00 yesterday famished but upbeat.

Tomorrow I go for "Chemo 101" to learn what to expect, etc. I'll get my official test results and I have another test of my resting heartbeat, etc. to evaluate my cardio I think. Best of all, I'm running with my buddies in the early a.m. with temperatures hovering at freezing and it could be the last run of the season at such cold temperatures. Or, maybe I'm just optimistic on a Wednesday!

Love to you all,
Ann

Monday, March 2, 2009

My Photo Sessions ...

It's picture day for me ... it sounds so much more glamorous than saying I'm going to have my brain MRI, chest CT, abdomen CT and pelvis CT after drinking some fantastic concoction of radioactive dye. Then I'm doing a quick lunch with my driver, Nancy. And by 1:00 we'll head out for a fine needle aspiration of what I've come to visualize as a marble stuck in my armpit -- others refer to it as my growing lymph node. I feel like my right arm won't lie flat by my side anymore ... it's kind of uncomfortable with the swelling in my breast and my armpit.

My phone was a flurry of activity this morning with doctors, nurses and assistants calling to schedule all these tests. It makes me really nervous all of the sudden, like it's a race against the clock.

More people are finding out at work and I'm ready to just walk through the halls yelling it. It's difficult to say you're going to the doctor three days AGAIN this week without people raising an eyebrow. I just wish I had a better excuse to be missing all this work. The folks who do know have been great. I can't complain. It's just a stressful time.

It looks like I'll start chemo on Friday now and go every other week. I need to start shopping for a wig and an Easter bonnet.

So, here's my deep breath for the day. I had to go to work this morning despite our snowfall ... Jeff walked me down the hill to where he'd warmed the truck and it was beautiful. Everything was white and silent. The sky was this chalky gray color that defines smoky gray. It smelled fresh and clean, the trees have redbuds on them so there was snow covering this color and it was unbelievably still. We stood there admiring it. God creates such beautiful scenes for us and seldom do we appreciate what we have. And, I have to admit ... I wondered quietly ... will this be my last snowfall. I don't think it will be ... but I still wonder it sometimes.

This was on a card I received from an old friend today ...
"... It won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright!" 1 Corinthians 13:12
Here's to the brighter sun ...

Love,
Ann