Laughing All the Way to the Finish Line

I'm nine treatments into radiation. Only 24 more treatments to go. But who's counting, besides Jeff and I?

Radiation has been going pretty quickly. It takes me as much time to drive to the hospital and onto work as it does to actually get the treatment. Each day, I receive four doses of radiation while I lay on the table and the nurses do this intricate number of lining me up just right using laser lights and projection screens. And, this large multi-million dollar machine moves robotically around me while I lie there listening to music. The nurses have been great. Maybe it's that they crank my "bed" up into the air about four feet so that my body is eye level but I think of the three fairy godmothers Flora, Fauna and Merryweather from Sleeping Beauty. They aren't old or pudgy by any means but always laughing and working to put their client base at ease. I'm really lucky compared to a lot of their clientele who are moving much slower and seem to be in a lot of pain. Many of them are on oxygen. So far my chest just feels a little raw and windburnt but I've been assured that the sunburn feeling will occur by the end of next week. Regardless, I'm nearly done and I'm loving it!

My running partners/best friends have hung with me this fall and really supported me even on mornings when they've had every right to drive to my house and ring the doorbell when I didn't show up. Regardless of my sleeping patterns, I've made it out for a few good runs lately bringing in a four miler recently that left me feeling pretty good about my physical fitness. Thursday morning I had a great run and it was still dark out, the stars were out and the air was crisp. Just perfect for a good run. As I see the end of actual treatments just around the corner, I realize I have to start exercising again soon. My doctors keep emphasizing just how important exercise and avoiding weight gain is to overall health.

In general, I'm in great spirits. If I had to complain about something ... I will pick on the the Komen Foundation as we celebrate Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I hate it. I'm ready for it to end. I've seen everything from the NFL to newspapers painted pink. I'm ready to get rid of the constant reminder about cancer. That damn pink ribbon is everywhere. I'm not sure what the objective of the campaign is other than to raise money. I could appreciate the campaign/organization more if they were more proactively reminding women to do self breast exams, mammograms, etc. On that note, I'll use this platform to recommend everyone get regular check-ups.

Hope you all have a blessed fall weekend. I've got a long list of "to do" items including Halloween Costume Development ... I'm looking forward to it.

Thanks for all the cards and prayers. And, thanks for the beautiful flowers.

Ann

The final stretch

I know it's the final stretch ... the last six miles of the proverbial marathon. Maybe I've just hit my wall. I just really want to pull over to the side and untie my shoe laces. I can't find the right kind of gu, I'm out of water and my electrolytes are shot. My calves are wobbly and my back hurts. I'm probably chaffing too. Everything seems foggy. I guess it's like running a race when you're desperate to quit and knowing your car is still miles away. You just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. It sounds so much easier than what it really is.

Yet, that is what I'll do. Tomorrow I will go into Rex Hospital at 8:45 and will stop by for the next 33 business days. During this time they will use my tattoos to line me up with a huge and intense machine, shoot high concentrations of radiation at the right side of my chest and armpit which will result in an intense sunburn reaction and by Thanksgiving -- fatigue. If I'm lucky, that will be the worst of my side effects. With this daily regiment, any remaining cancer cells in my chest wall will die within the next few months. At the same time, I'll be starting hormone treatments as well.

I guess it's painful because I haven't had regular appointments for about six weeks now and it's been great. I went on two business trips (short overnighters) and one weekend getaway with my girlfriends. This weekend I went out to dinner twice with Jeff ... no kids. Work is crazy stressful right now and I'd like to immerse myself in it ... but it's hard to balance everything. I know I need to focus on my health which means exercise, sleep, good eating and spending time with those who matter ... but it's going to be tough to miss a couple hours of work each day and keep all the balls in the air during the daily juggle. I know it shouldn't matter ... but it does. We all face the daily juggle.

On that note, I'm off to roller skate with the girls school tonight. I hope I don't break anything. (The picture is of Grace running her first one mile fun run, a jingle bell run when she was just four. She was so proud of her very strong finish. This picture always makes me smile.)

Psalms 118:17 I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the LORD.

Topless Photos and Tattoos

So, I made it to the radiologist yesterday. If I would have known just how awkward and exposed I was going to feel I might have had a beer for lunch (and I don't even like beer). They decorated my chest with tape covered in little electrodes and wrote all over my chest with magic markers. I looked like I had been hit with black paint balls. My chest was smeared with black and grey. They use these marks to line me up with the radiation machine so I get the right treatment.

So for more than thirty minutes, I'm lying there topless with my arms behind my head as radiologist technicians traipse in and out of the room. This is all while they are making a "mold" of my body so my arms will always be in the same position for all 33 of my treatments. The nurses kept nudging and shifting me in this pillow made of little foam bubbles. That is the template for my mold which will be ready in 5 days.

Then there were the tattoos. I now have SIX tattoos on my chest. You wouldn't know it to look at it me. They look like freckles -- just little dots but they hurt and several bled. I can't believe I have tattoos. Those suckers hurt.

So I laid there with my arms over my head in the same position, getting tattoos, having two ladies draw all over me and then when I've nearly started crying during the CAT scan. Adding insult to injury, ... they take photos. The nurses capture the memory of greyish/blackish boobs with blood and tape all over them. So there I am my arms throbbing, I am emotionally spent and frankly I'm tired of being strong. I dread going back.

Which is okay because the scheduling of radiation itself is a HUGE nightmare, it's been tough getting started. Now it looks like I'll finally start on Oct. 12th. Don't even get me started on the inconvenience of these appointments. My blood pressure rises just thinking about this.

This can't be done soon enough. I can keep telling myself "this too will pass ..." but sometimes I wonder if I'll even recognize myself by the end of this.

Have a great weekend. That's my rambling for the night.