Sunday, December 6, 2009

Merry Christmas ... Our Story of Hope

I finished my radiation on Friday. I'm thrilled to be done with it and looking forward to the "cooking process" to end (which should happen in the next week) and the healing process to begin. Tomorrow morning when I can just head into the office and bypass my time at the hospital I'll be even more thankful to be done. We didn't have a big celebration. We bought a tree at Homewood Nursery, one of our favorite holiday traditions is going there to pick out a poinsettias, and we decorated the house. We spent most of the weekend at the church and it was great to be surrounded by friends. We were asked to give our testimony at church and the girls sang in the choir. Below is our testimony that we gave. It may be the closest thing I get to holiday cards.


We’ve been looking forward to Christmas this year so that 2009 will finally be over. In February, when our doctors diagnosed me with Stage III breast cancer they told me it would take me a year of treatments … a long and horrible year. We couldn’t imagine they were right and it turns out they were wrong. 2009 hasn’t been horrible. It’s been very humbling and rewarding in many, many ways. Not to short change the year, it’s been tough and with a lot of prayers especially from this congregation … we’ve grown in Christ.

At the beginning of the year, life was normal. I took on new responsibilities at work, we were choosing the right kindergarten for our girls, I was training for a half marathon, and we were in a LifeGroup here at church. Things -- according to my plans -- were going well. But that was before I saw the look in the surgeon’s eyes. He has this blend of pain and fear … and the burden of having to deliver bad news. As he and Jeff, sat holding my hand on that Monday afternoon … that was probably the worst day of this entire year. I felt betrayed by my body, scared for our future and confused as to why God could do this to us. Cancer brought us to our knees. We were suddenly facing a new reality. It was a defining moment that showed us that we are not in control of our lives.

We have been involved in church for a while and over the last few years we have gotten even more involved … but honestly we probably haven’t spent as much time praying as we should. Suddenly – that day – we were deep in prayer. Like we haven’t prayed in a long time. We prayed for comfort, for guidance, for help and for healing.

Instead of going online to do research that night … we sent a prayer request to Asbury and called a fellow survivor from the church. She showed up on the next morning armed with books, tissues and most of all more prayer and a lot of hope. We were so afraid. In Philippians 4:19, it says … “God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” Every need we had this year was met. Our family served as a huge emotional support system but most of them are in Indiana and we had a lot of other needs. Many of you have brought us a chicken pot pie or a casserole. It was great to have home cooked meals and words of encouragement. Childcare was another huge concern. Again, God met those needs. From day one, our daughters -- Rose and Grace -- were away at various play dates while I took Ann to chemotherapy and numerous doctor appointments. It was truly a blessing to be at those appointments and know that our girls were safe in loving homes.

Over the years, we’ve had many discussions in various Bible studies about what is “coincidence” and does God really position people so they are there where we need them. This year I’ve come to believe that God orchestrates coincidence. For example, we have a fantastic life group and last winter we were studying Philippians … all about Paul and his optimistic outlook while he was in prison. I’ve never been an “optimistic” person until this year. I can’t imagine it’s a coincidence that we were studying that when I was diagnosed. The Scriptures gave us Hope over and over.

Again, it was no coincidence that in February the KidStuf virtue was Hope. I was scheduled to read Scripture about Hope. The definition declared that something good will come from something bad. And, the easy thing to do would have been to cancel out that week. But I read the Word that morning and it felt like God was right here on this stage holding my hand. My hands shook and my eyes watered but the kids were quiet for a change. And, it felt liberating to declare that … I have HOPE. I believe God will use my cancer for something good. I hate that I have had cancer but I am not sure I would change much about the year. I have grown to see what is really important. And, I have no doubt that it will be used for something good, according to God’s plan.

One of my favorite gifts that I’ve received this year is this little white paper bag that’s filled with Scripture. The woman who gave this to me has no idea how many nights I’ve used this little white bag of Hope when I needed direction and assurance. Every time I stick my hand in it … I pull out a piece of Scripture … and most of the time it’s about HOPE. One of my favorites is Jeremiah 29:11 … “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

I can’t begin to imagine where this journey is all going to end. While my treatments finally ended on Friday – the journey is not over. But that verse from Jeremiah is there to give us Hope. We still have Hope that God will use this for good. Maybe God will use me through my blog or through KidStuf … or maybe even today. Maybe my Hope and Faith will inspire someone I met in a chemo lab or during radiation … maybe it’s someone that I run with, or that Jeff meets at the doughnut shop, or someone in my family who is struggling with their own battles … we believe God has a plan.

This year we have felt God fill us with HOPE and that’s what Christmas is all about. We can’t imagine this year without having the Hope that we have in Jesus. The hope that a little baby boy can take away our sins and lead us all to eternal life. We can believe that. Thanks to each of you for all of your prayers and support and Merry Christmas!

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Celebrate: A new shade of pink

Thanksgiving was wonderful. I slept in every day and didn't do a lot more than eat, drink and watch the sun set over the sound. I read books with the girls, took leisurely bike rides (I don't count them as workouts) and played a really lousy game of dominoes. Mostly I was thankful. Grateful for all the medicine, doctors and nurses that have helped me get through this year ... but mainly thankful for all the family and friends who have offered Jeff, the girls and I so much support this year. Thank you. I can't imagine how we could have functioned without all the support.

I'm finally almost done. I really can't imagine what a burn victim must feel like as they watch their skin peel and grow. I've got numerous shades of pink, blue and brown on my chest and armpit. My armpit and chest is just a little swollen. I keep waiting to look down and find my chest actually sprouting flames. I didn't ask the doctor if that was possible or just a nightmare. Fatigue is also taking its toll and it's getting more difficult to keep up my fully packed schedule. I'm starting to schedule naps and more down time -- maybe I can catch up on holiday movies.

But under the heading of "this too shall pass ..." I finish radiation on Friday. I've seen a lot of fellow patients graduate in the last few days and today when the "second to last woman standing" graduated we hugged several times and I had to choke back tears. Tomorrow it will just be me and the guys as the regular crop of patients. We usually fight over the paper but they aren't too good at sharing recipes. I've got a little surprise planned for my final appointment on Fri. afternoon to amuse the nurses. I'm looking forward to it.

I've been looking for dresses to wear in the church cantata this weekend. It's tough to find special occassion dresses that have just the right look. Grace was walking rack to rack and says (quite loud) "this one doesn't show your armpits or your breasts, mom" ... I wanted to crawl under the rack. Needless to say, I came home empty handed. The girls on the other hand lovely, sparkling dresses that twirl. Things are so much simpler when you're a child.

Celebrate. That's my motto this season. Well ... and nap!
Cheers!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Imagine Celebrating Life

The girls celebrated their six birthday this weekend. We took them out to a Japanese steakhouse and out to a cafe where they choose coconut cake to celebrate at home while watching Tinkerbell. So, they've been living on a sugar induced high for about 48 hours now and I'm not sure Grace will ever be the same. She ate less than one-quarter of a cupcake tonight saying she'd had too much frosting today. It's a miracle. Tomorrow, we're having a party with 20 of their friends at the Museum of Life and Sciences. I'm so proud of them -- we have a butterfly and caterpillar cake that I used my hidden cake decorating skills from 4-H to create; dinosaur themed decorations that were the closest thing to "real" animals that Grace could find at Party City, and glow-in-the dark trinkets that Rose choose for the goody bags. They have such vivid imaginations when you let them make their own choices. It doesn't bother them a bit that it seems like a very random collection. I can't wait. I'm more excited than they are.

Last night as I laid in bed I let my imagination go. My five year survival rate prognosis is good. The girls will be 11 years old in five years. They will really need a mother. But I wonder ... what are my chances of seeing their sweet 16 or their 30th? Realistically, I know each of us runs that risk, there are no guarantees in life.

But, I've been having a lot of headaches and last night it felt like someone was standing on my chest in hiking boots just swiveling back and forth from heel to toe. I laid there worrying about recurrence already. I'm not even done with treatments and I'm doing really well but cancer is taxing -- both physically and mentally. I find myself questioning every ache and pain and this weekend I have a lot of those. My back and neck are throbbing (so is Jeff's). My skin is beginning to feel like a marshmallow being roasted over a campfire, kind of crunchy with soft gooey stuff underneath. I'm flat out crispy in spots. Sometimes that soft, gooey stuff is my faith and hope, and it ebbs aways. I can't imagine fighting this disease without hope. Those are the darkest days. So, I try to imagine how much I'll love my daughters in another 5, 10 and 35 years. That's a much better scenario to imagine. If I can imagine it ... maybe I can make it happen.

... I have to capture something my little buddy Simon recently said. He's six too and his mother is my best friend. She sent me this email earlier this week and it made my eyes water:
"Last night the boys and I were having dinner and decided we should mention things we were thankful for that day. I was thankful for the opportunity to be at the boys' school yesterday. Stephen was thankful that we have good things to eat. Simon was thankful..."for after Thanksgiving." What? "Because then, Mom, Ann will be all done with her treatment for cancer."I hope you're right Simon ... FOR THE REST OF MY VERY LONG LIFE.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

NINE MORE TO GO

... I am exhausted and sore. My armpit is killing me. I look like someone chewed on my chest and spit me back out. Cotton and turtlenecks are my friend. Cashmere, wool and spandex feel like some type of slow moving torture.

And, I failed my potassium test again. Apparently my nurse laid into Jeff yesterday that I need to be taking those pills daily and not weekly. If I had four legs and a mane they may taste better but nothing makes me choke faster. I went to the grocery tonight and bought bananas. Maybe that will help.

I'm an aunt again. Collin William Gottbrath. I'm excited to meet him and thrilled for my brother and his fabulous wife! (On a personal note, I'll never get rid of all the little girl clothes accumulating in my attic.)

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Caution Hormonal Swings Ahead

Tomorrow I start the "fourth" phase of my treatment ... I begin my hormone therapy. I'll be starting Lupron shots and will take them monthly for the next four months leading up to Tamoxifen which I will take daily for four years. My cancer feeds off of estrogen so these shots and subsequent pills are to keep my body from producing estrogen ... if I understand it all correctly.

I'm a little nervous. I've taken drugs like this before so the side effects aren't new to me. I'm anxious about being hormonal gut busting mood swings, gaining weight, retaining water and losing bone mass. I should be worried about a recurrence but surprisingily I still think God will use this somehow and that I have hope. As a friend just pointed out ... Jer 29:11 ... For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Anyway, my friend Stephanie is going to power through and drive me to all my appointments tomorrow. I'm relieved. These appointments are draining me. Tomorrow morning, I have an appointment for radiation, the radiologist and then move across town to the oncologist. Besides the energy it takes to go to all these, its mentally daunting ... I think Mrs. Ramos may finish radiation tomorrow. She's a Hispanic woman in her late 40s or so with a husband that fills the waiting room with smiles. She doesn't speak a lot of English but she fills the room with these huge smiles that shine through her eyes. I'm going to miss her during these next three weeks as I finish up and move onto the phase ... I wish I was the type who would fill a room with smiles ... but I don't think I am. I guess it's something to aspire to.

Ann

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Fitting In

It's been a busy weekend. I went into it exhausted and I'm coming out the other side in even worst shape. It's like I can't get enough rest. I've turned pretty pink (another reason to hate the color pink) all over my chest, armpit and back. It's difficult to get comfortable. Jeff drove me to the doctor on Wednesday and Friday last week. I just didn't have the energy to drive, park and walk.

On Friday at radiation, there was an older lady (probably late 50's) who had a foot in an air cast and was using a crutch, with a bad wig that was slightly off center and a sad look to her. Her husband was with her and he was kind of shuffling along, avoiding eye contact with everyone. But the nurses drug her in from the hallway where she was heading out toward the elevator -- it was her final treatment. They presented her with a diploma and a Hawaiian lei. She looked like she wanted to crawl under the chairs. My eyes teared up. I was jealous that she's done but my heart broke to see the look in her eyes. She looked scared. Afraid. A lot of people say that finishing radiation is a big milestone because then you're done ... just turned loose again ... and the doctors are pretty much just waiting to see if you have a recurrence. That's a mental challenge I'm not looking forward to.

I went to two different school type functions on behalf of the girls this weekend. I was so tired that I didn't mingle much (not that I'm great at that anyway) but I just really felt awkward. Like a preteen girl with acne, a cowlick and braces at a dance in the cafeteria. I don't volunteer so I don't know any of the kids in the girls classes; I work more than full-time so I don't run into anyone at pick-up and I don't know the latest toys; and my free time is spent between doctors offices and my couch. I felt like such a heel, like I had nothing to contribute. I'm sure these other mothers think I'm a snob. I'm not. I'm just struggling to fit in. Sometimes I think I like going to work because I know where I fit in ... but even that is a struggle sometimes and right now that's a moving target.

When this "cancer thing" is over, I'm ready to figure out who I am, spend more time with my friends and family and really think things through. Who am I? Where do I fit in? What kind of legacy do I want to leave? How can God use me to do His will?

Make it a good week. The girls don't have school Wed, Thurs or Fri ... I'd love to take them somewhere but I can't get away from the doctor. Maybe the zoo if I have the energy.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Dreary Weekend but Memorable

Radiaiton continues to go well. My chest is turning red and itches a lot. I'm using lotion by the gallon and other than feeling sticky, I'm not sure it's doing much but I'm trying to follow the doctors orders.

The girls have had a great Halloween weekend. Grace dressed as a maid servant. She was Cinderella before she became a princess. Rose was a snow princess, she wore a white cape that was covered in snowflake buttons. I'm most proud because I was able to make both costumes and they were original. It felt great to have enough energy to be able to make the costumes and be there with the girls to attend Falleluia (an annual event at our church) and Trick or Treat. I even won homemade pumpkin bars at the cake walk! It was a great weekend to add to the girls childhood memories. I wonder if they'll even remember their costumes in ten years.

This morning my friend Nancy and I volunteered at the City of Oaks Marathon. It was a driving hard, cold rain and I felt for the folks who were running it, including several good friends. I looked in the eyes of all these runners who were fighting so hard to keep going (I was at the 8.5 mile mark where they turned around for the half or kept trudging out for the full). It reminded me of this year and what a struggle each of us faces. Everyone has their dragons to slay, their burdens to carry. I'm sure each of the runners today made memories they will never forget.

Jeff's parents have been here visiting this week. Jeff's dad hasn't made it down this year and he's been thrilled to have them here. They are working on a huge doll house that has sat idle in our garage for more than a year. I have no doubt that many hours will be spent playing this beautiful, homemade masterpiece over the next few years. I know when I look at my doll house I remember all the great times I had playing with my sister. Unforgettable.

I have treatment number 19 tomorrow morning. If I counted correctly, I may finish the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. I'm trying not to get my hopes up ... but how can I not?

Friday, October 23, 2009

Laughing All the Way to the Finish Line

I'm nine treatments into radiation. Only 24 more treatments to go. But who's counting, besides Jeff and I?

Radiation has been going pretty quickly. It takes me as much time to drive to the hospital and onto work as it does to actually get the treatment. Each day, I receive four doses of radiation while I lay on the table and the nurses do this intricate number of lining me up just right using laser lights and projection screens. And, this large multi-million dollar machine moves robotically around me while I lie there listening to music. The nurses have been great. Maybe it's that they crank my "bed" up into the air about four feet so that my body is eye level but I think of the three fairy godmothers Flora, Fauna and Merryweather from Sleeping Beauty. They aren't old or pudgy by any means but always laughing and working to put their client base at ease. I'm really lucky compared to a lot of their clientele who are moving much slower and seem to be in a lot of pain. Many of them are on oxygen. So far my chest just feels a little raw and windburnt but I've been assured that the sunburn feeling will occur by the end of next week. Regardless, I'm nearly done and I'm loving it!

My running partners/best friends have hung with me this fall and really supported me even on mornings when they've had every right to drive to my house and ring the doorbell when I didn't show up. Regardless of my sleeping patterns, I've made it out for a few good runs lately bringing in a four miler recently that left me feeling pretty good about my physical fitness. Thursday morning I had a great run and it was still dark out, the stars were out and the air was crisp. Just perfect for a good run. As I see the end of actual treatments just around the corner, I realize I have to start exercising again soon. My doctors keep emphasizing just how important exercise and avoiding weight gain is to overall health.

In general, I'm in great spirits. If I had to complain about something ... I will pick on the the Komen Foundation as we celebrate Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I hate it. I'm ready for it to end. I've seen everything from the NFL to newspapers painted pink. I'm ready to get rid of the constant reminder about cancer. That damn pink ribbon is everywhere. I'm not sure what the objective of the campaign is other than to raise money. I could appreciate the campaign/organization more if they were more proactively reminding women to do self breast exams, mammograms, etc. On that note, I'll use this platform to recommend everyone get regular check-ups.

Hope you all have a blessed fall weekend. I've got a long list of "to do" items including Halloween Costume Development ... I'm looking forward to it.

Thanks for all the cards and prayers. And, thanks for the beautiful flowers.

Ann

Monday, October 12, 2009

The final stretch


I know it's the final stretch ... the last six miles of the proverbial marathon. Maybe I've just hit my wall. I just really want to pull over to the side and untie my shoe laces. I can't find the right kind of gu, I'm out of water and my electrolytes are shot. My calves are wobbly and my back hurts. I'm probably chaffing too. Everything seems foggy. I guess it's like running a race when you're desperate to quit and knowing your car is still miles away. You just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. It sounds so much easier than what it really is.

Yet, that is what I'll do. Tomorrow I will go into Rex Hospital at 8:45 and will stop by for the next 33 business days. During this time they will use my tattoos to line me up with a huge and intense machine, shoot high concentrations of radiation at the right side of my chest and armpit which will result in an intense sunburn reaction and by Thanksgiving -- fatigue. If I'm lucky, that will be the worst of my side effects. With this daily regiment, any remaining cancer cells in my chest wall will die within the next few months. At the same time, I'll be starting hormone treatments as well.

I guess it's painful because I haven't had regular appointments for about six weeks now and it's been great. I went on two business trips (short overnighters) and one weekend getaway with my girlfriends. This weekend I went out to dinner twice with Jeff ... no kids. Work is crazy stressful right now and I'd like to immerse myself in it ... but it's hard to balance everything. I know I need to focus on my health which means exercise, sleep, good eating and spending time with those who matter ... but it's going to be tough to miss a couple hours of work each day and keep all the balls in the air during the daily juggle. I know it shouldn't matter ... but it does. We all face the daily juggle.

On that note, I'm off to roller skate with the girls school tonight. I hope I don't break anything. (The picture is of Grace running her first one mile fun run, a jingle bell run when she was just four. She was so proud of her very strong finish. This picture always makes me smile.)

Psalms 118:17 I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the LORD.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Topless Photos and Tattoos

So, I made it to the radiologist yesterday. If I would have known just how awkward and exposed I was going to feel I might have had a beer for lunch (and I don't even like beer). They decorated my chest with tape covered in little electrodes and wrote all over my chest with magic markers. I looked like I had been hit with black paint balls. My chest was smeared with black and grey. They use these marks to line me up with the radiation machine so I get the right treatment.

So for more than thirty minutes, I'm lying there topless with my arms behind my head as radiologist technicians traipse in and out of the room. This is all while they are making a "mold" of my body so my arms will always be in the same position for all 33 of my treatments. The nurses kept nudging and shifting me in this pillow made of little foam bubbles. That is the template for my mold which will be ready in 5 days.

Then there were the tattoos. I now have SIX tattoos on my chest. You wouldn't know it to look at it me. They look like freckles -- just little dots but they hurt and several bled. I can't believe I have tattoos. Those suckers hurt.

So I laid there with my arms over my head in the same position, getting tattoos, having two ladies draw all over me and then when I've nearly started crying during the CAT scan. Adding insult to injury, ... they take photos. The nurses capture the memory of greyish/blackish boobs with blood and tape all over them. So there I am my arms throbbing, I am emotionally spent and frankly I'm tired of being strong. I dread going back.

Which is okay because the scheduling of radiation itself is a HUGE nightmare, it's been tough getting started. Now it looks like I'll finally start on Oct. 12th. Don't even get me started on the inconvenience of these appointments. My blood pressure rises just thinking about this.

This can't be done soon enough. I can keep telling myself "this too will pass ..." but sometimes I wonder if I'll even recognize myself by the end of this.

Have a great weekend. That's my rambling for the night.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

The Battle of the Brain

Before I tell my story, in my defense ... my arm hurt on Sunday morning before I left the house. It's probably no surprise that I've been called stubborn and hard headed. I'm sure it'll happen again. I'm sure I have a fair amount of self pride and yet at the same time, I'm very insecure about asking for help. It's easier to ask a friend to help than to approach a stranger. So, when it came to hoisting my bag into the overhead bin on an airplane earlier this week, I went against common sense, a vow to Jeff that I would ask for help and the advice of my oncologist -- I lifted the bag over the heads of several muscular and capable men.

I could see Jeff and Dr. G admonishing me before I even took my seat. My arm throbs and I'm struggling to hold my arm straight. Like I said, in all fairness to me, it hurt before I left on Sunday. I'd like to think that I'm going to learn from this ... but lets face it, I'm stubborn and when I travel next week I think I'll try to find a way to carry a super-small bag that will fit under the seat. Then I won't have to talk to a stranger. But this weekend, when I am thrilled to be going to the beach with my quilting girlfriends ... I will ask for help lugging my machine up the steps.

Meanwhile, I'm off to the radiologist tomorrow to try and make a mold so I can start my radiation next week. They are supposed to make a foam mold of me so I will lay in the same exact position for 33 treatments. I have to be able to hold my arm behind my head for about 15 minutes tomorrow. I'm nervous. I hate the changing of treatments. I feel like someone keeps moving my cheese. Not to mention the waiting room is in the basement of the hospital in the cancer ward. I feel sicker just parking the car.

I really thinking fighting cancer is mental. If I can just overcome my brain or lack thereof ... I can beat this thing if it doesn't break me first. I'm just tired of fighting.

God Bless,
Ann

Saturday, September 26, 2009

For I know the plan

Daily Bible Scripture - Jeremiah 29:11-13

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

It's late in the night/early in the morning and I'm struggling to escape the stress of change. And, I'm wondering why it matters. What's keeping me from sleep? from peace? If I really believe in God ... then I would believe he has a plan even when I don't like the plan I'm seeing. Even when it hurts just to look at what I know of my plan for the next few months at home, at work, at the radiologist office, at church ... so I wonder is it that I don't believe or do I not embrace change like I used to?

Someone is up going to the bathroom ... maybe I can talk them into snuggling mom back to sleep.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhOJW4Uwy3c

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Flat on My Back

It's not always easy to decide when to call the doctor. I held out this weekend and I think I'm over the worst of it now on Sunday afternoon. On Friday, I had a Zometa infusion ... a drug that takes the calcium from my blood and pulls it into my bones. From all the drugs that I've taken and am about to take, I'm at high risk for osteopeina (a precursor to osteoporosis) and this should help guard against that as well as the cancer metastasizing in my bones. I'm supposed to do these treatments for three years every six months, I think. That will be too often.

I had the infusion first thing Friday morning and I was fine at work on Friday but by 10:00 that night my back was cramping and my feet were doing all sorts of kinky things with cramps. I took Tums, potassium, Ambien and finally pain killers left over from my surgery a few weeks back. Saturday I was on pain killers all day and night. I felt like my spine was concrete that was flaking into little bits and pieces. I had tears of pain and I don't often feel that way. I mentioned the Emergency Room to Jeff.

I did go out for a few hours to Yates Mill Pond, they had a big celebration and I wanted to do something fun with the girls this weekend. I thought I was going to pass out from pain the entire time I was there and I'm sure I looked stoned. We were looking for my friend Linda who makes a lot of their period costumes but unfortunately we missed her this weekend. We'll have to go back as I couldn't tolerate the mill tour and we left early. That's all I remember about Sat. Well, and playing Sudoku with Rose late in the night when she couldn't sleep and I was between pain killers.

The girls and Jeff are off at a birthday party that I really wanted to go to. Grace has made a friend at school and thinks the world of her. I wanted to meet her as Grace doesn't make friends easy. It was a tough decision to take Rose along as well. (The parents were kind enough to invite her as well when we called to RSVP.) Grace didn't really want Rose to go since it's sometimes hard to be visible when Rose is around. It just didn't seem fair to Rose to make her sit here on the couch with me all day on a beautiful afternoon. So, we decided she could go even if Grace didn't really want her there and we know they need their own friends. Fortunately Jeff called earlier and reported it was going well and Grace and friend were seen holding hands and picking pumpkins. Apparently there were pony rides as well.

I'm still fighting like a girl ... if you haven't seen this video or heard the song ... Fight Like a Girl ... it's worth a listen.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wwtl_vKWdVs

So, please pray for relief from the suffering in my back and hips. I keep telling myself God has this plan and I'll be stronger for it but it's been really difficult this week as I see so much of the world progressing all around me and I so often feel like I'm just on the fringes of my own life. When I jump back in sometimes it feels like being on a merry-go-round and I can't make it to the middle where I'd be safer. Although I guess you could argue in the middle of the merry-go-round you really have no control ... and isn't that the truth.

God Bless,
Ann

Thursday, September 17, 2009

I'm Radioactive ... well, I will be ...

So I'm going to be radioactive 33 times but only for 15 seconds per treatment. We are advancing to the "final" stage of treatment -- radiology. And, I say "final" because in reality I actually will be in menopause and treating this with hormones for the next five years. I'll also be praying it doesn't come back and that I don't get lymphodema (swelling of the upper extremities/arm). Anyway, I'm working toward qualifying for radiation.

Why do I have to qualify? First I have to get my arm to move a lot better. I have a serious tendon that pops out if I put my arm up in the air and behind my head. I have to be able to hold it up and still long enough to make a mold of my body so I can lay absolutely still during radiation. And, I have to get another mammogram ... I think this will be my fifth one this year. This will be my baseline. And, I need a flu shot (you should too). The bad news of all this is that it's highly unprobable that I'll finish my treatments before Thanksgiving. I'm bummed.

So, I'm continuing to pray for patience and healing. I've been blessed in so many ways that even if I'm not finished with my regiment of treatments at Thanksgiving, I have so much to be grateful for and if you're reading this you're one of my blessings. Hope you have a great weekend.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

A few images of the "grown ups" in our house




Me in western North Carolina near Blowing Rock ... you could see only trees and Mother Nature both up and down the valley ... amazing. At the top is both Jeff and I together. Beyond the beauty of the mountains ... please note my crop of hair!

Not so pretty in pink

I've come to hate the color pink. I thought it was overwhelming that the girls love it so much ... but I'm definitely more of a red person. I'm lounging around the house today trying to get the swelling under my arm to ease. I feel like I'm holding a ping pong ball in my armpit. It's uncomfortable but not uncommon apparently. And, I'm decked out in a pink survior shirt and a pink sweatshirt with pink ribbon socks ... why couldn't they have chosen a more aggressive color -- like red. I love red.

When the alarm goes off in the morning it's back to work for me. I also need to work on getting back to the gym, out on the road and off the couch. There are so many rules in life ... floss, exfoliate, exercise, work hard, pray, love they neighbor ... how do we fit it all in?

Thanks for all the notes and prayers. I have several doctor appointments this week to get me all ready for radiation. I'm dreading the constant disruption of radiation. A daily trip to the doctor/hospital where I'll take it and having to schedule work and life around it sounds like a real inconveninece.

That's my update. I'm sitting here feeling sorry for myself because Jeff and the girls (after sleeping in a tent in our backyard last night) are now closing down the pool for the last day that it's open this year. They have a whole different life that I'm not even a part of sometime. That's kind of lonely.

Ann

Friday, September 11, 2009

Tomorrow Turns to Yesterday

Jeff and I met with the oncologist on Thurs. and overall it was great. We all enjoyed our meeting and I can't say that very often. We laid out my next steps including hurdles and treatments over the next year. It involves a fair amount of monitoring, a couple shots for bone density, shots and pills to put me into menopause (think mood swings and hot flashes) and 33 radiation treatments that I'll be starting as soon as possible. I'll go daily for about 6.5 weeks and hope to be done by Thanksgiving. He was very pleased with my pathological response to the chemotherapy and is being presenting my case on the "Friday morning show." Before you start looking for it on your local cable, it's not the good kind of ABC/CBS/NBC morning shows ... but the gathering of 30 local doctors at Rex hospital who review various cancer cases and weigh in on treatment options, etc. My case was first presented in Feb. of this year and they recommended a mastectomy. But, due to my great response to chemo (which was only 50/50 due to me being estrogen receptor positive) ... I was able to get the lumpectomy last week. We talked a lot about my lymph node cancer cells as well but he was elated with the results and described it as finding flakes of cancer cells and described them as very tiny like salt and pepper. For the first time in MONTHS, we left feeling pretty good about everything.

I'm still really nervous about radiation. I HATED the doctor earlier this year but she's good and really has a pleasant bedside manner. She just scares me with her statistics of recurrence and death. I guess she plays a valid role and I'll be meeting with her next week. I can't start radiation until I can get my arm over my head (due to the surgery last week where they cut through the muscles in my armpit area). I've been working out ... trying to stretch and it hurts but I can get it about shoulder height but I can't sustain it yet.

But here's what is really on my mind, I've been listening to a Michael W. Smith song titled "How to Say Good-bye" and my favorite lyric includes the words "how quickly tomorrow can turn to yesterday." It's so easy to say we'll do things tomorrow until suddenly you run out of time. Like my cousin's fiancee. He was diagnosed with cancer last Nov. and I believe he had three different kinds. They were soft tissue (kidney, liver, esophagus, etc.) and that's a lot more serious than most breast cancer. He lives nearby. I kept meaning to go see him and to tell him how much I liked that spark in his eye and his smile -- I'm running out of time. I haven't spoken to him since Christmas when they called on my birthday and I spoke with him that night ... he was so jovial and kind that night. I cried when I hung up the phone because I knew of his diagnosis then and he is so young. I was mad that something so bad was happening to a really good guy. Anyway, my approach of "I'll do it tomorrow" is disappearing in the next few days. I've prayed for him over the course of the year but I wish I had gone to see him ... I regret that. Cancer sucks. Please if you're praying tonight, lift up Kenny and his family in your prayers.

So, that's the update from here. Please again, pray for Kenny. Pray for peace, comfort and God's Grace for all of his support crew. Thanks and God Bless.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

More good news

The surgeon called yesterday. I have clean margins in both the tumor tissue in the breast as well as in the lymph nodes. There were active cancer cells in the tumor material but if the pathology report is right then they got it all with a clean margin around the edges. Of the seven lymph nodes that she took, apparently after further investigation there were cancer cells in two of them but with all the nodes she took ... again it's clean margins. I think my mom summed it up well, "it's great news ... not excellent news."

I should be thrilled and jumping around with relief, but I'm still in a lot of pain and I'm remarkably nervous ... could it come back again soon? I'm wondering if there are little cancer cells that we didn't get and wondering should I have done the mastectomy. But, as every doctor told me ... don't look back. Make a decision and move forward iwth it. So, that's where I'm at now. I am trying to heal and move forward so I don't keep wondering about the "what if" scenarios. It's not as easy as I thought it would be.

That's all I know.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Two frogs and a spider

You know your kid loves you when she takes her ten cents from being good at school and buys two plastic frogs from the teachers treasure box to put in your bed. When you come home from surgery and crawl in bed and there is a red plastic frog on the alarm clock by the bed and a green one on the pillow (about the size of my palm)... you know it's her way of saying I thought of you. She could have bought snakes she has told me since but she knows I hate frogs. Since it was a weekend full of pranks to my siblings beds and cars, it was great to see Grace get in the spirit. I put a rat under her pillow for tonight.

Praise the Lord, the surgery on Monday went well. It was a long day with a lot of waiting and my arm is very sore. The sentinel node biopsy went exceptionally well with a 95% chance that there is no cancer in the lymph nodes. They took about seven or eight from what the doctor told Jeff and my mother. I am still waiting on the pathology report from the actual lumpectomy but I'm expecting good news there as well. I'm just waiting for the phone to ring.

I have one drain under my right arm and it drains into a little bottle the size of a running bottle that I keep pinned to my shirt. I'm still bandaged up pretty good and my shoulder, elbow, fingers, etc. on my right side throb. I'm taking a lot of pain killers and it hurts to use my hand/arm and until the drains come out I'm not supposed to do a lot.

Well, the pain killers are kicking in ... it's time for a nap. I hope Grace hasn't set out more critters for me to find.

Fondly,

Ann

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Step Two ... Scalpel Please

I always wondered if the operating room sounds like it does on TV ... and tomorrow is my chance to find out. Except I'll hopefully be asleep all day.

Many of you have asked if I'm nervous ... I'm not. I've spent the weekend in Roanoke/Salem, VA with my mom's family. I have a horrible head cold and I'm dripping like a leaky faucet but it was a great distraction to keep me from wondering what tomorrow will bring. Anytime there is that much food in crock pots and 9x13 plates ... you know you'll have a good time.

Thanks for all the well wishes and the prayers. We're praying for clean margins and a minimal amount of lymph nodes to be extracted. My parents are here to help take care of all of us and I'm expecting a quiet week at home catching up on chic flicks.

Ann

PS ... Happy First Birthday to my nephew Isaac. It was great watching him eat cake in his birthday suit.

Monday, August 17, 2009





It's been several weeks since I sent my last update and the photos above are from the girls first day of school. It's been very chaotic getting them ready, purchasing all of the school supplies, finding them close toed shoes, filling out form after form, etc. The first photo was this morning with their book bags loaded and ready to get in the car and set in carpool line ... The middle picture and lower picture are from "Meet the Teacher" day on Friday when they choose to dress alike (I'm sure the teachers appreciated that among all the confusion). School went well ... they marched right into class without looking back. I admired their courage. They are very excited to go back tomorrow. Quick story ... Grace told Rose last night that she would do the "I love you" sign in sign language and Rose responded that she would make the (NC State) Wolfpack sign back ... Fortunately, they just waved and touched each other gently during lunch which is the only time they crossed paths today.

I don't have all of their courage. I tend to look back ... but I've made a decision and I hope I don't look back ... I scheduled the next step in my fight. I'm going in for surgery on Aug. 31st for a lumpectomy. It was a luxury to have a choice to make and I'm praying for clean margins. I am most thrilled that this is even an option because it wasn't an option back in Feb. when I started chemo with a 6 cm tumor. But, the survival rates long term for the lumpectomy and mastectomy are virtually the same -- so I am going to start there. If I mentally can't handle the stress of not knowing and thinking it still could be cancer in my breast ... I can always get the mastectomy. I'm also going to have a sentinel node biopsy and axillary node dissection of my lymph nodes. My MRI of my lymph nodes looks good now (after chemo) but I'd like to get a clean report from my pathology on the 31st. I've had the lumpectomy described as much like the biopsy I had in Feb. The surgeon will use the same incision. I don't remember that one hurting me for too long but I'm just starting to realize what a fog I was in back in Feb./March when I started all of these treatments. The doctor reports it will be the incision under my arm for my lymph nodes that will be the most painful and will require drains. If anyone knows different ... call me ... Also, I tried to get my catheter/port removed from the left side of my chest (that's where they do my chemo infusions) but my oncologist wants me to keep it a few more months in case I need it again. That bothers me but I'm trying not to dwell on it. After all, Sports Illustrated is not calling me to be a swim suit model ... So that's the update from here.

Jeff is gearing up to work on the kids programming at church and seems to be adjusting to the idea of a lot of time at home alone. I'm working on a special, detailed PPT for my "honey do" list. I think he'll be volunteering at school just as soon as he can (we have to turn in the form first ...). So, we're all in a period of adjustment and new challenges in our lives ... but isn't that life?

I try to keep busy enough that I don't dwell on all the changes. But, as one of my favorite verses from the Bible ... Ecclesiastes 3


<< Ecclesiastes 3 >>
King James Bible

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.



What time is it for you?

Ann

Monday, August 10, 2009

Good News and Good Times

We've been out of town ... Jeff and I were very lucky to have my friend Nancy and Rebecca/Mark (my sister and her husband) watch the girls this weekend and we went to Blowing Rock. It was a beautiful weekend in the mountains especially since it was much, much cooler than Raleigh. We stayed at the Victorian Inn (highly recommend it) and ate our way through Blowing Rock. Throughout most of chemo my taste buds have been off kilter. Things just haven't tasted the same. But this weekend, I ate like a queen. Steak, pasta, chocolate, french toast, apple tart, etc. The town is small -- only a few blocks long and the people were so friendly that we started talking about retirement.

And, that's what the whole weekend was ... it was like a long conversation with a long lost friend. Jeff and I have talked a lot this year but sometimes it just feels like we talk about today or tomorrow. With the luxury of a weekend we took the time to dream and project out another 10 or 15 years which we haven't done for a long time. We'd talk about the girls starting kindergarten one minute and the results of my recent MRI in the next. We talked about options and surgeries between admiring waterfalls and vistas. We sat and sipped a glass of wine while we discussed the pros and cons of a lumpectomy or a mastectomy.

In a nutshell, the doctors have left the decision up to us. They've given us a lot of data ... and left the final decision up to me. I had a great response to chemotherapy according to my MRI last week so the option of a lumpectomy has been given to me. That's MAJOR improvement from where I was at in Feb. And, now the decision is ours to make.

I'm praying for guidance and wisdom and I think I've made my decision ... now I just have to call the surgeon ...

God Bless,

Ann

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Soul Searching ... The Quest for an Answer Continues

Last night on a walk around our neighborhood, out of nowhere Rose told me she was glad I didn't die during treatment and asked why I walked with the survivors at the Race for the Cure if I was still going to treatments and doctor appointments all the time. I wasn't a surivor yet. And, then the girls told me they were glad I was finally done. (Twenty weeks of appointments is a very, very long time.) I struggled with how to answer because I want to CELEBRATE the end of chemo ... but I am still facing several more months of various treatments. It was difficult for them to comprehend that I'm done with the first of three big and very different steps of treatment but that we celebrate our accomplishments as we earn them. I hope this all makes sense to them one day. It's certainly still surreal to me some days.

It's not for lack of great questions or healthy conversation with my oncologist today ... but I still don't have a concrete plan. I need facts and figures. So, I've got another more appointments next week for an MRI and a meeting with my surgeon to lay out the second phase which is some type of surgery. My sister, Rebecca, and Jeff and I sat with the doctor from 11-2 or so asking lots of questions and hearing lots of statistics. I was thrilled they were there for me to take copious notes and have a different and often clarifying perspective. I take a lot of drugs during chemo that leave me very foggy and difficult with comprehension so it's great to have four extra ears to rely on.

We are celebrating as a family this weekend the way all North Carolinians celebrate -- surf and sand. But, as I go to bed tonight I go back to my Scripture verse that I first latched onto when I was diagnosed ...I have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

Blessings to you all,

Ann

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Preparing My Questions

I meet with my oncologist tomorrow and I'm compiling a long list of questions. Last night with our power out, the girls in VA with my brother and his family, we sat in the garage watching the rain and furiously drafting our questions for the doctor. Has the chemo satisfied his expectations? What are the chances for recurrence in one year, two years, five years? What are tumor markers and where do I fall on the scale? Can he recommend a plastic surgeon? When will I get my life back? Will I always have heartburn? Is that the least of my problems?

It's anxiety for certain. Anyway ... the girls have been with my brother in Chesapeake since Sunday afternoon and they voted to come home. We've enjoyed the silence for certain but I'm really looking forward to seeing them tonight and hygging and kissing on them. Last night they called home thrilled with their new math workbooks and were so excited that they had already completed one book and were moving up to level 2. I hope we can bottle that excitement to last through college.

Please keep us in your prayers for guidance and peace during the next week as we meet with the oncologist and surgeon. Thanks for all your support.

Ann

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Life in the "Chemo Suite"

I haven't had much to say lately, or a lot of time to write. The "athletes" in my family have been very busy with softball, swimming and volleyball this week. The girls received trophies at a very grown-up and formal banquet last night. As a grown-up, it is easy to forget that trophy can bring so much joy and pride. Jeff's sand volleyball team, Silicon Dioxide (which is Latin for sand) lost their first game in the tournament but rallied at the local bar. His Asbury softball team has advanced in their tournament so everything seems to be coming to an end.

And, speaking of that, I'm writing from the chemo lab today. Lots of patients are coming and going here. After today, I only have to hang out in these green recliners with the catheter attached to my chest for one more appointment. I haven't "bonded" with any of the patients and most days I don't speak to them or them to me. We listen in on one another's conversations and look away quickly when we're caught. The group is diverse, although predominantly females in their 50s, and varied in our walks and reactions to the drugs. I haven't seen anyone get sick, which I was afraid of 19 weeks ago ... I thought people would be puking and hanging on by a thread ... at this lab we aren't that bad. The nurses are sweet (all female) and full of humor and compassion. It's like having a very attentive and knowledgeable wait staff at a luxury restaurant. My nurse has been Nicole. She's from Pennsylvania, has two sons younger than my girls and is very well grounded. She has made my Thursday's more than tolerable. I enjoy talking with her and look forward to our visits. I will miss her. I'm thinking of bringing her the same joke book Jeff used with me when he was giving nightly shots. She could use a few more jokes in her repertoire.

How am I? Better than last week. I'm still very anxious and almost nauseous at the word "mastectomy." I still don't know which surgery to choose although I have started leaning toward one.

Life sure isn't what I thought it'd be when I was wearing feathered bangs and fake leather pants in high school and projecting out what I want to do with my life. I wouldn't have chosen this cross to bear, but I've learned a lot about myself, my family and my friends along the way. Regardless of this not being the journey I would have picked, I certainly would not have been able to project how lucky I would be in so many ways.

I'm getting shots again this week for both red and white blood cell counts. They are both just a little low. Nothing serious. And, that's the update from Raleigh.

Fondly,
Ann

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Strangers Come Forward

So, the girls start school in one month ... another source of angst. And, the devotional yesterday that they sent out (private school) was dead on for me. I share it with you here ...

The question might be asked, "Are burdens and trials a necessity?"A man had a grandfather clock. One day he felt sorry for the grandfather clock because it had a weight on it, and that weight was always pulling on the clock. The man said, “Oh, Mr. Clock, you’ve held this weight so long; I’m going to remove it and let you rest.” The clock protested, saying, “Don’t take that weight from me. That’s what keeps me going.” In the same way, the trials and tests of life are there for your endurance. They’re to keep you going, keep you trusting, keep you praying, and keep you depending upon God. James shares that the trials and tribulations of life make us of "sterling coinage." He shares it is like a refiner's fire that ultimately brings greater purity and effectiveness in our walk with God. Let us praise the Lord because God is at work in our lives making us more like Him.

BIBLE MEDITATION:
James 1:3 - "Knowing this, that the trying of your faith works patience."


It goes onto ask you to thank God for the trials in your life ... not an easy task. But I also had several new acquaintances put in my life this week that helped by sharing their stories of faith, perseverance and patience. And, I had my family and friends lift me back up ... I'm doing much better emotionally. Thanks to each and every one of you for your prayers.

Like the clock, no one can take my weights from me. But the winding and the polishing and the tender loving care and the PATIENCE that you treat a clock with ... that is exactly what you've done for me. Thank you.

Off to chemo ... it's just a simple 5K remaining (3 miles/treatments) ... if I jog real slow I can physically do that this morning before I go. Listening to the birds, feeling the wind and enjoying my friends.

Have a blessed day.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Struggling with New Reality

I haven't posted in a few days because I can't think of anything nice to say. Tonight my blog is an outlet. Writing is very relaxing for me ... hitting publish is the stressful point. Regardless of all that, I'm in a horrible mood and home alone. I'm fighting low grade fevers and everyone has upset me. As my mom used to say, I am mad at the world. She's right. For example, my hair is growing back gray. I know it ... I certainly don't need to hear it again. In all fairness I haven't heard that my hair is gray today but I'm still pissed about hearing it yesterday.

So, you may guess that I'm really struggling the last few days. Chemo hit me harder than I thought it might. I expected to breeze through the last month but frankly, I'm a basket case. Muscle fatigue and overall exhaustion set back in and couple it with a lack of a plan for moving forward and I am a hormonal nut job. There is no clear definition in my next steps ... and mentally I am wigging out. On top of that, it's a very stressful week at work ... (I know some people think I shouldn't be working but the reality is that I like my job and we really need the income) ... I just don't know where to turn. It's often easier to open up with a keyboard or an ink pen than it is with a "true" conversation.

Want another example? Yesterday with my sister (who is probably going to kill me for writing this) we discussed drains and fluids that will come after surgery ... it was a very casual conversation for everyone in the room but ME. I just wanted to vomit. This is my breast we're talking about ... not an optional surgery. It's cancer. I couldn't decide if I should cry or puke and in the end I just sat there looking at the crack on the ceiling hoping that proverbial hole would open in the ground and swallow me up.

I suppose I should get down on my hands and knees and pray. It just isn't coming. I'm mad and upset and I don't really know where to turn. I have stacks of cards from many of you telling me how strong I am and offering Scripture ... and the last few days that just isn't working. My eyes are blurry and I should be reviewing a PPT for a presentation I need to give tomorrow but my heart just isn't in it.

So, that's the raw form of me these last few days. I'm going through the motions. With any luck if you run into me tomorrow, you won't notice anything different or out of the ordinary ... I'll give you a smile and tell you "I'm hanging in there." And I am. I have to hang in there. No one else can do it for me.

That's the update ... in a rare glimpse of a very brutally honest me. Raw and uncensored. Hormonal and feverish. Grey but growing.

Ann "self-abosrbed" Camden

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

No Matter How You Grow



In a house with so many "women", body style and hair are two very popular topics. Especially since my hair is growing. Tonight as I yanked my wig off as soon as we pulled out of a friends drive, Rose asked if it made me sad to be bald. It doesn't anymore and I said as much. I admit it helps that it's growing very quickly now and soon I'll get rid of the wig completely. Anyway, I asked Rose if it made her sad to see me bald and her very beautiful answer was, "No, I love you no matter how you grow." You can't get an answer much better than that. I just hope she still feels that way when she's a preteen.



Last week was only the second week all year that I didn't have to go to the doctors office. It was a good week to be on vacation in southern Indiana (that's a photo of my parents place). The temperature was very unusual ... only in the 60's and 70's. We got to spend some time with our family and friends and we hadn't been home in a full year. The girls lived life large as they picked black raspberries, washed a goat, climbed apple trees, walked a pig, caught a few fish, went to see the movie UP, toured Purdue and watched the Pekin parade and fireworks. It was a nice change from chemo.

Now that we're back, Grace is celebrating a fifth place ribbon in freestyle at the swim meet last night. Rose is coping but has shed a few tears and is very sensitive on the topic. Jeff is out playing volleyball for the night and I'm planning to go for a run in the morning before work.

Tomorrow afternoon is my fourth treatment and I'm dreading it. It's not the chemo treatment itself ... I've grown used to the side effects, the process and the terminology ... it's the week afterwards that has me nervous. I'm afraid of the end because I'm terrified of the unknown again. The next steps. The surgery, the radiation and getting on with life -- I'm afraid of what it may bring. I feel myself reaching out to God and praying with an intensity that I haven't in a few weeks. I am praying for peace, counsel, patience and wisdom.

... and that's my update ...

Saturday, June 27, 2009

The Fifth Treatment

I'm not sure if it was my medication or just stress from a very busy personal and professional week, but Thursday was tough. I had really bad vertigo with the room swinging from side to side, words on a page jumping around and total exhaustion. It certainly didn't help that I just can't seem to sleep a lot. At first I thought it was because I took my Benadryl too early in the morning and on an empty stomach. I have to take it before chemo and it seemed to kick the world off it's axis. Even this morning, Sat, I'm still having episodes where the world just isn't straight and steady. It's annoying.

My Physician's Assistant measured the mass again on Thurs. or at least she tried to. It's difficult to determine where the mass stops and the scar tissue starts. That's a good thing in that it's shrunk a lot. She really encouraged us to start thinking ahead to the end of July and what surgery options we may prefer. I was hoping for MRI results before we make that final decision. While my oncologist is known for his breast conservation, I still struggle with the thought of it coming back and lean towards total annihilation which brings up a whole host of other issues. She asked our preference and my preference is to never have cancer again. I don't ever want to go through this again. She sent us home with a stack of green papers to read about reconstruction options. I wonder now if that's a sign ... I have a lot of praying to do, I just wonder if I'm being still enough to hear the answers.

As much as I'm ready for chemo to end ... I'm especially nervous and anxious about August and the choices we'll make, the surgery I'll have and the girls starting school all at the same time -- separated for the first time ever. And, work is picking up momentum on a few special projects I'm working on ... I'd like to be able to close the deal on a few of those irons in the fire if I could just get more hours in a week.

For now, I'm going to celebrate that I get a week reprieve from chemo and hopefully the sweet corn is ready in the Midwest. We're all ready for a change of scenery.

Ann

Monday, June 22, 2009

It Probably Needs a Visual



It was a busy weekend but I finally followed through on a promise to the girls ... we painted my head on Father's Day. Initially, the idea was that painting would help the girls better relate to me and it wouldn't be so scary to see their mom without any hair. In reality, they haven't missed a beat and have never been scared of me and my lack of hair. Of course, I've never truly lost all my hair. It's been the same length since the woman shaved it for me in mid-March. There were a few patches that fell out completely but all in all, I've always had some fuzz. With five more chemo treatments left, it seems that my hair is growing some and if we were going to paint my head ... we had to get it done. While it hasn't freaked me out not having hair, I can assure you that I wouldn't shave it just to let the girls paint my scalp. Long term I can assume that the girls won't remember when in the cycle of treatments that we painted my head but they will remember (and have plenty of photos to refresh their memories) the opportunity they had. They painted flowers, hearts, triangles and their names on my head. They were so gentle and loving, very carefully approaching me and laughing like they were getting away with something. There were a lot of giggles and kisses along the way. I highly recommend it. I'm not sure that it makes cancer any less scary for them and maybe they won't remember it all ... but I'll never forget it.

I'm not a real "physical" person and I haven't always appreciated the love demonstrated in human touch but the painting of my head was one of the most loving and gentle demonstrations of unconditional love that I've experienced lately. I'm so glad I did it.

Despite how glamourous I may make it sound -- cancer sucks. The irony of my hair starting to grow right now ... my eyelashes are falling out. I only have three or four on each eye. Freaky. Frustrating.

Hope you have a colorful week (and for those of you who are curious, I have hesitated publishing these photos ...)!

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Chemo ... the end of a very quiet week

Chemo today went fine. As I listened to two other women detail all their nasty side effects I had to thank God that I have been so lucky. There were no measurements today ... next week. And, the best news of all ... I am in the home stretch with only 5 more infusions. And, the icing on the cake ... no Procrit shot today. My red blood cells looked good so I didn't get an injection in my belly. I've never been big on shots that feel like fire going in and like you've been hit by a line drive softball for days afterwards. I'm thrilled to be nearly done and while I appreciate my nurses, etc. I'm ready to find better ways to spend a Thursday.

Jeff has driven to Hardy, Va to fetch the girls from my Aunt Becky's house. They've been there since Sunday. I understand she's running out of food because Grace is always asking for seconds. I'm wondering what she served them ... I heard the words "Lucky Charms" for breakfast. I used to spend a week with the Vernons when I was a kid and I'm thrilled they got the same opportunity. It was always a memorable time playing in their huge backyard, helping in the garden and riding on the boat. It's been very quiet here. Jeff and I have enjoyed it and gone out to dinner twice and a movie.

That's the update from here. My friend Paul from high school is coming to dinner tomorrow night. I'm reading The Shack and finding it a very unique perspective on religion. I hope to sew a little this weekend, swim a little and of course REST. Most important, I plan to celebrate Fathers Day with the girls and Jeff.

Have a great weekend.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Crazy Good Fun ... Followed by Extreme Quiet (it's long)

A year ago, I would call this a race report. As runners from the Y, many of us recap our runs and send out reports of the weather, course, nutrition, etc. So, here is my race report from the Race for the Cure. Yesterday was wonderful. The Race for the Cure was overwhelming in a word. I had lots of fans there ... maybe 40-50 that I saw. My parents flew in from Indiana, my brother from Norfolk, Jeff's family surprised us and drove in on Fri. night from northern Indiana, friends I haven't seen in months, numerous colleagues, friends from Asbury UMC, quilters, runners from the Y ... it was a diverse crowd that I'm thrilled to call my support group. Normally I run this race so it was an insult to see the times I was posting as I walked. I was surprised by how thrilled I was to stop in the shade every so often to wait for one of our girls or play in a sprinkler. I was really disappointed I wasn't able to keep up with family and friends ... but by mile 2 finishing became all that mattered. And, I've heard that there were new friendships struck as my friends and family made new acquaintances.

One of my running pals, Courtney, came walking the course back towards me at about 2.5 miles and I was thrilled to see her. She told me everyone was waiting at the corner and that really moved me. I'm crying just thinking about everyone in Ann's Fans shirts standing there in the sweltering sun waiting for me to catch up. My mom, my sister, my aunts, some of my coworkers ... they waited for me. That really touched me. I wish I had something more profound to say ... but it really tugged at my heart. I have seldom felt such love from so many people. As we finished the race together ... a large group of us ... there was another crowd of Ann's Fans waiting at the finishing line and cheering loudly as they called my name as a "survivor." I wiped away more tears.

Throughout the day several strangers congratulated me on being a survivor and other survivors gave me words of encouragement. It was kind of awkward but comforting -- all at the same time. I participated in the survivors parade. That was odd ... as I looked around ... I didn't want to be there. I'm not sure I'll do it again. As I stood there listening to the speakers, I wished I could take off sprinting the greenway back toward the art museum, its one of my favorite runs. I wanted the ground to swallow me. I wanted to be home. Don't misunderstand: I want to be a survivor ... but I don't want cancer to define me. I don't want to always be thought of as a cancer patient/survivor. I'm sure the other ladies in pink survivor shirts don't want it to define them either ... the whole thing just seemed awkward so I slipped out of the crowd and walked back to my group where I really wanted to collapse in Jeff's arms in the shade and have a good cry. Instead, we walked to the car.

The Ann's Fans team came away with hardware! We were the largest team under the "Family and Friends" category. And, our clever rock-themed t-shirts that were designed by a local creative agency was recognized as "Most Creative" t-shirt. Thanks to many of you who read this for coming out and supporting our team or making a donation. I couldn't be more proud but I'm not sure I want to do it every year.

Afterwards, we had an awesome post pool party. I thought I was going to lose my lunch as Rose jumped off the high dive. That scared me as a mother. I was proud and concerned. She looked so small suspended up there in air. She barely hesitated. I used to love the high dive and I could understand her enthusiasm. I tried it once yesterday ... got a bloody nose. Grace was busy racing her aunts/uncles in relay contests. She stuck to the slide and talking smack about her swimming stroke.

After all the activity the last few days, the family in town, the heat, the physical demands ... I have done nothing today. It has truly been a day of rest. Jeff spent the day fishing off the coast (although I've heard I shouldn't count on a fish dinner). The girls have gone to my aunt's house for a few days and I have spent the entire Sunday watching television, reading, napping and a little quilting.

As I sign off, I'll post this ... Bernadene (Jeff's sister) recently sent me a card that had this very appropriate verse ... "I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you." John 14:18. (Ironically, she then came to the very race she was sending me a card wishing me luck at.) Each of you has brought me comfort during this fight and I thank you for that. It may sound corny, but God must have been there walking with us yesterday. How else could someone feel such reassuring love?


Have a great week.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Soreness, Shopping and Self Pity

My muscles were pretty sore Friday night. I lifted weights and walked on Fri. and I think that contributed. It was the first full Friday that I've worked in months and it felt good to really feel like I contributed at work last week. There is a lot going on right now and I want to do my share, pull my weight, etc. But, by Fri. night I felt like I had a bad case of whiplash and the flu all mixed together. Even my chubby cheeks ached. And, the doctor called to prescribe another pill ... for potassium. It's huge and chalky. I'll be eating more bananas and spinach.

Sat. I went shopping with Rebecca ... funny story ... I was trying on hats at Macy's and I wanted to see what they looked like without my wig so I mention it to Becca who puffs up like a sister protecting her sister and says, "I dare anyone to say anything to you." I knew then I was safe ... she would protect me from any store clerks gone mad. So, I slipped the wig off, stashed it in my shopping bag and started trying on hats in my bald state. Red, black, white, pink ... anything cooler than the wig. The clerk watching over the area was wide-eyed but didn't say a word as I tried on all my hats, then put back on my wig and came over to pay. She never made eye contact. I would have never done it alone ... thanks Rebecca.

I'm sad and disheartened to think I have 7 more weeks of chemo. Suddenly it seems like it is dragging. I'm trying to stay positive but I'm tired. I've been reading about Job and David in the Bible and how long they suffered and how patient they were ... I'm running out of steam. I'm sure it wasn't any easier back then and I'm just feeling sorry for myself. But, I want my life back.


Ann -- is it over yet -- Camden

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Holding Steady at Mile Five ... Seven to Go

Well, nothing as exciting as last week. Of course, I didn't get an "official" measurement today so nothing to report there. The treatment was status quo and my red blood cells were borderline on whether I needed the Procrit but I got it just to raise my red blood cells. I'm struggling with the shot glass full of red wine each day ... you would think I could handle that. It just sounds horrible which is not my usual perspective on red wine, or white wine, or anything with alcohol in it really. In really wacky news, I had thrush on my tongue this week ... it kind of looked like the fungus that grows on mulch after a hard rain. Brown, thin and crusty ... apparently, it's relatively common with a weakened immune system. That night Jeff kissed me on the forehead that night. It looked pretty bad but went away quickly.

My long time friend Kathy took me to chemo today which was a huge treat. She is a two time survivor, 10 and 6 years. It was fun to talk about all the changes in treatments since her breast cancer diagnosis 10 years ago. We talked a lot about mastectomies and the decisions that Jeff and I will face in August. Her mastectomy became a big topic here on Sun. night when the girls realized that Kathy had breast cancer and a prosthesis in her swim suit. We had a big discussion about how loveable and great Kathy is and that it doesn't really matter what's under someones shirt. The girls asked a lot of questions. I tried to compare it to taking out a really bad splinter ... but I didn't want to terrify them and scare the girls into thinking that I will cut off their toe with scissors the next time they play outside without shoes on.

In a case of good news/bad news, I found out tonight that I will not be running the New York City Marathon in early Nov. I signed up right after I found out I had cancer planning to defer to next year if I was lucky enough to get in. I'll have to play the lottery again next year and so will Nancy. Darn our luck, I bet hotel rooms in NY will be down in price with this bad economy. (Yes, I do know that there is NO WAY I could run it yet this year.) I did have a great and very inspiring meeting with a doctor who runs a program that specializes in cancer and exercise. He runs a program for men and women who are finished with treatment but he helped me map out some reasonable goals that won't wear on my body but help me to maintain my muscle and just continue to keep a decent cardio base. I needed those positive words from "someone in the know". I'm going to do very light weights this weekend with one of the other executives from the program who can offer a lot of guidance. She is working on becoming a personal trainer specifically for cancer patients -- although she uses much fancier words.

And, we're starting to distribute the t-shirts and race packets for Ann's Fans. (My sister made us tie all the Race for the Cure shirts very fancy.) The shirts look great and we've raised more than $11,000. If you're local, I'll be calling you this weekend to find you. If you'll be getting it via the mail, you've got a few days yet.

Love to you all,

Ann -- not running NYC -- survivor

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Praise the Lord, I've got massive shrinkage!

The prayers are working. I can feel it and today I feel like I have tangible proof. I was healthy enough for chemo and just needed a little booster shot for my red blood cells/anemia. Nothing severe though. Jeff and I were THRILLED to hear today that the tumor is a minor 2cm or about 3/4 of an inch square. It also has no decisive edges and is more like a dense mass and not the solid and heavy rock that it was just about 10 weeks ago. And, we're about halfway through the chemo. I've had 8 total treatments and have 8 more to go. There was brief discussion about scheduling MRI's and scans in August before we make our surgical decisions. I'm torn, I welcome the idea of a treatment that is non-invasive as possible ... but I read recently an anology that I've taken to heart: "Cancer is like a terrorist group. You don't try to make peace with it. You annihaliate it and get rid of all the sleeper cells." I like that approach. I can sleep well with that approach for the next 50 years of my life.

And, I had the opportunity to stay home with Rose tonight while Jeff and Grace went to ballet dress rehersal. With twins, and probably all kids, its difficult to find time to spend with just one kid so it's always special to have that time. Rose found this book about a magic carpet with mazes and riddles on every single 32 pages and that was her top priority ... that I read to her. She was adamant that no one had ever read this book to her. I don't know where it came from ... but I read it. And, I loved it. Just watching her answer the puzzles and check the back and feeling her next to me and that closeness you get when reading to a child. We went onto make blueberry muffins and even do some beading (thanks Amanda) before Grace and Jeff came back home.

And, in case you didn't see it ... Ann's Fans (our Race for the Cure team) crested $10,000 earlier this week. I had tears rolling down my face when I saw that on Wednesday morning. My fans rock.

Thanks for all your prayers. God continues to bless us and amaze me ... that's worth getting out of bed for every day.

Ann

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Exhaustion Crashes Down.

We still don't know why ... but I had a fever today. I'm not "allowed" to have a fever over 100.4 and mine went as high as 102. Needless to say, we went to the oncologist for an emergency appointment. Of course I got there and didn't have a fever ... so I promptly threw up all over the lab. That got me some attention. I was assigned my own room and spent the next several hours having blood work done and an IV bag. They checked me for bacteria, urinary infection, respiratory problems, etc. No real reason for my fever. I'll be on antibiotics for the next week to help. And, they gave me a "revved up Tylenol" painkiller for some back pain and cramping I was having. Praise the Lord, my blood work looked good. I have healthy red and white blood cell counts ... so I do still have a working immune system. That was a huge relief.

Jeff sat with me the whole time and is the one who asked me early this morning if maybe I had a fever. He read a magazine for hours in this tiny little internal room while I dozed. I don't know how people go through this alone. There is a certain comfort just having him there with me. And, I have to send a HUGE THANKS to our friend Kellie who took the girls on very short notice and kept them most of the day. Again, it's our friends and family pulling us through all this that help so much.

It's the last day of online team registration. We're in fifth place which just clouds my eyes thinking about it. That's so much more than I ever dreamt possible. http://race.komennctriangle.org/site/TR/Race/General?team_id=21701&pg=team&fr_id=1070if you haven't registered. I think we have more than 100 people on our team. Amazing.

Praying for peace and comfort tonight. Grateful for all the love you've all continued to show our family ... even when we don't deserve it.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Taxol ... the third episode

The third "bite" of Taxol went down as usual. Nothing out of the ordinary. My red blood cells weren't quite so great so I had two "booster" shots this weekend to elevate my red blood cells again. I didn't get measured this week and will do that again on Thurs. I feel confident the tumor is shrinking and look forward to the official measurement. I've spent a lot of this weekend lounging around as my back has hurt a lot.

On Saturday, I tried running with my dad. We made it a total of four miles and ran about half of it ... only the flat parts. Despite a night with not great sleep and a little vertigo, it was great to get out and see the neighborhood and hear the birds in the morning. Not to mention, running with your dad is just cool. I paid for the run much of the afternoon as I lounged a lot.

Jeff, along with my sister and brother, and especially my parents painted my kitchen. The topiary trees and teal walls are gone! YEAH. I've hated my wallpaper for nearly four years. It looks so much cleaner and larger with a nice, fresh coat of paint. Now I just need to hire someone to put in a ceramic tile floor in late June. I'm really lucky my mother volunteered them all ... I don't think I'll ever get them to do that again. It was a lot of work.

Jeff and the girls are at the pool celebrating the start of summer. I just needed some quiet time to recuperate from all the house guests and it feels good to just be still. I finished off a good love story as well, which always helps a girl feel better.

Happy Memorial Day.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Preparing for the Third Mile

This second treatment has definitely knocked me back some ...although I've been pretty busy with a business trip to Greensboro that went great. It kept my mind busy and had me thinking about the future ... 2010 and 2011. My client was thoughtful enough to get me a special, comfortable chair for the long hours we sat in meetings and we had a good, quick dinner with a fantastic dessert (that I didn't share) and I went back to my hotel and watched my favorite Monday night line up.

I go in tomorrow for my third treatment of Taxol and my Dad (aka groovy grandpa) is going with me. We have an early treatment at 8:00 followed at mid-day by the girls graduating from preschool. I hope I recover from the two Benadryl I have to take first thing in the morning ... that usually puts me into a shady fog.

Sitting here tonight, I think preschool graduation -- complete with gowns -- is over the top. Seriously, how much of an achievement can this be? They can color, write their names, use scissors and sing a lot of silly songs ... and administrators somewhere think this deserves a parade of 5 year olds in robes? I don't get it. But, tomorrow when I'm sobbing as I realize that my five year olds are growing up fast and some days I'm not much of a mother to them ... that will get me. It will strike me that if I don't kick this cancer right now and beat this disease ... My five year survival rate is good, even admirable ... but that doesn't even get me to middle school graduation. I am suddenly afraid I may not see their high school graduation and this may be all I have. Two little girls in matching polka dot dresses with bangs that need cut, front teeth that are missing, small, bright orange sunshine tattoos on their forearms and wobbly in their shoes ... what if this is the only time I see them walk across that stage and get a diploma? I try not to look at things like this too often ... death can happen to anyone at anytime ... but the unknown nags at the back of your mind from some small dark crevice. I think it's a hidden side effect of cancer. Grace told me to video tape graduation so we can watch it again. We definitely will, Grace ... we will.

"As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort you." Isaiah 66:13 ... Oh how I am glad I have the Lord to comfort me because now that I'm on the train of thought about living to graduation, my worries are taking over ... I need to go, sit and listen to the Lord ... for no one else can comfort me.

Good night. ... only one more week for online sign-ups for the Race for the Cure and Ann's Fans. Join us if you can and if you've already signed up ... thank you very much!

Sunday, May 17, 2009

The Tenderness of a Child

So, tonight I was lying in the floor tonight outside the bathroom door while Grace bathed. I was just moaning and groaning and feeling sorry for myself as my stomach cramped and churned. Food really hates me. But, the tenderness of Rose came through. She found me a baby blanket and a hug/kiss and sang me a tender sweet song she wrote herself about how she's there for me. It was really sweet. Just when I think they don't notice all that's going on around them.

We had a great Saturday at the beach with our friends the Jeffries. The girls caught all sorts of critters with the Jeffries boys. And, since Steph has a marine biology background ... that helps us Midwesterners learn a few names. They caught shrimp, crab, clams, fish and Stephen caught a flounder the size of a quarter. Amazing how perfect these little creatures can be and how they can have a place in the food chain. Really amazing creations. All the kids chased, played in the sand, jumped waves and just had a great time playing. I couldn't keep up with all the activities. I loved watching the girls play in the waves and shriek (especially Grace) with delight. I hope next summer is much better ...

On that note, I'm off to Greensboro for my first business trip of the year. Just a quick overnighter. I'm nervous. It's going to be a very long day leaving at 6:30 with a dinner tomorrow night and a lot of time in a chair. I just hope my back and stomach all hold together.

I found this Scripture tonight in my little bag of devotionals. It is helping ease my worry about the next two days. "So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will take care of itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

Have a great week.

PS: our Race for the Cure team appears to be in fourth place at 70% of our goal ... that's just over $7,000. I can't believe all the donations. Team registration ends later this week.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Ann's Fans Rock

Our Race for the Cure team, Ann's Fans, has raised more than $6,100. (And, there is still time to join us.) I am so amazed. Our team is in fifth place. And, tonight in my old stomping grounds back home in Indiana (or maybe northern Kentucky) ... there's a poker game going on and I've been promised all of someones winnings. I've been assured they don't play for Oreos like we did when we were in high school. The Komen Foundation doesn't accept Oreos.

On the second day of Taxol (out of 12 weekly treatments), Taxol gave to me ... nothing really. I had some munchies and was in a fog due to the two Benadryl I have to take before I go in. But, isn't that a normal day for so many of us? Otherwise, the nausea is dramatically reduced other than some in the mornings still. I laid around on the couch a lot last night and watched some hockey (GO CANES). My regular Physicians Assistant wasn't there at the office yesterday to measure the tumor so I don't know how much it's gone down. I was still anemic so I had another booster shot of Procrit. It causes some back pain later in the afternoons. All in all ... the second day of Taxol was good.

Jeff and I are going to a new parents coffee at North Raleigh Christian Academy this morning where the girls will start kindergarten this fall. It's a long way off but I am already nervous that my surgery will fall right about when they start school. I know it's silly to worry so far in advance but it just nags in my mind. Oh well, we're off to coffee ...

Have a great weekend!

The Lord said, "... You are precious in my sight, and honored, and I love you." Isaiah 43:4

http://race.komennctriangle.org/site/TR/Race/General?team_id=21701&pg=team&fr_id=1070

Ann

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Hit Me Again ... I'm Not Afraid

Tomorrow I head in for "round two" of the Taxol treatment. I've moved my appointments to the afternoon so I can work in the morning which already feels less disruptive to the work week. I just have to remember to take Benadryl at 10:30, that might be tough. I already dislike this new schedule of having to go every week as I feel like today food was finally getting its flavor back (it could have been the great Mediterrean salad I had for lunch). Someone special signed me up for the fruit of the month club and I've been enjoying papaya smoothies this week for breakfast. And, since the weather has gotten warmer and the vegetables a little fresher, I have fallen in love with a dinner salad again. So far my weight has held steady ... no gain and no loss. That's our goal.

I really can't complain as this week has been good to me. I was able to make four batches of strawberry freezer jam with Stephanie and Nancy after work. The mouth sores haven't been so bad this time and my energy level at work has been good. I still have a lot of heartburn and constipation but I'm taking a lot of medicine for those side effects.

So, for the first time I'm heading into chemo without the weight of dread draped over my shoulders. I feel good about what we're accomplishing and how my body is holding up.

"The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" Psalm 27:1. This is my verse that I'm focusing on as I pack my "goody" bag for tomorrow. I am not afraid for what the medicine can do to me.

One week from tonight my parents come to visit ... cancer has changed me already ... I've not started cleaning the house ...

Hugs,

Ann

Monday, May 11, 2009

A Great Mother's Day Weekend

We returned from our church camp last evening and I was exhausted ... in a good way. It was great to watch the girls run, swim, bike, play, sail, etc. this weekend. Rose is so proud of herself ... she and her dad went off a rope swing into the snake infested waters at Camp Don Lee and Saturday she carried around a frog for hours much to the delight of a group of boys. I was beginning to feel for the frog. Grace had a great time as well. She loved playing in the sand with her friend Barrett and jumping the waves in the Neuse River. She and I had some special sailing time as well -- I'm sure she would have enjoyed it more if the wind hadn't died. Jeff had a great time just being out and being social -- not to mention that rope swing. He's sore today. It was a lot of work for him to get two kids ready for bed and breakfast by himself but he did great.

It was a huge treat just to be out of the house for a change of scenery and the coastal area never looked so good. Everything is green and blooming and it all just seemed very vibrant. Even the group that went from the church seemed to be coming out of a "winter funk" and just happy to see everyone. There was a lot of happiness.

Needless to say the first Taxol treatment went well. I'm tired but not nauseous. I'm having stomach issues that I'm still working through and a little bit of heartburn. The biggest challenge of the weekend was probably being bald. I know that sounds vain but it's hard to disguise your shiny bald head when the wind is whipping around and you can't keep a hat on your head, when a bandanna feels like an oven and leaves you with sweat rolling down your cheeks, or when you're chasing a kid out of the shower (who was releasing crickets back into the field) and realize you have nothing on your head and you just startled a poor man walking to the bathhouse. Sorry about that, dude. It made me realize just how difficult it will be to spend the summer at the pool ... which is all my family has planned for the summer.

So, all in all, it was a great Mother's Day. God continues to bless us in many, many ways. This weekend was one of them.

Fondly,
Ann