So, I made it to the radiologist yesterday. If I would have known just how awkward and exposed I was going to feel I might have had a beer for lunch (and I don't even like beer). They decorated my chest with tape covered in little electrodes and wrote all over my chest with magic markers. I looked like I had been hit with black paint balls. My chest was smeared with black and grey. They use these marks to line me up with the radiation machine so I get the right treatment.
So for more than thirty minutes, I'm lying there topless with my arms behind my head as radiologist technicians traipse in and out of the room. This is all while they are making a "mold" of my body so my arms will always be in the same position for all 33 of my treatments. The nurses kept nudging and shifting me in this pillow made of little foam bubbles. That is the template for my mold which will be ready in 5 days.
Then there were the tattoos. I now have SIX tattoos on my chest. You wouldn't know it to look at it me. They look like freckles -- just little dots but they hurt and several bled. I can't believe I have tattoos. Those suckers hurt.
So I laid there with my arms over my head in the same position, getting tattoos, having two ladies draw all over me and then when I've nearly started crying during the CAT scan. Adding insult to injury, ... they take photos. The nurses capture the memory of greyish/blackish boobs with blood and tape all over them. So there I am my arms throbbing, I am emotionally spent and frankly I'm tired of being strong. I dread going back.
Which is okay because the scheduling of radiation itself is a HUGE nightmare, it's been tough getting started. Now it looks like I'll finally start on Oct. 12th. Don't even get me started on the inconvenience of these appointments. My blood pressure rises just thinking about this.
This can't be done soon enough. I can keep telling myself "this too will pass ..." but sometimes I wonder if I'll even recognize myself by the end of this.
Have a great weekend. That's my rambling for the night.
Life is tough! You're tougher:) You have a great weekend too and remember--let someone else do the heavy lifting for you.
ReplyDeletelove, dad
Forget the beer, you need the whole 6 pack after all that! Or amybe a bottle of wine. Sorry for all this mess you are having to deal with and the inconvenience of those daily radiology appointments. Just know that you are stronger than that cancer and you will be here for years and years after it is gone! The finish line is around the bend!
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