This weekend we are grieving and struggling with death. On Monday morning, our good friend Gerry Reid was hit by a semi-truck on I-40. I could go into all the bizarre and ironic aspects of the story but I won't. I'll back up and remember that last Friday at our Life Group (through our church), of which Gerry was a huge part, the conversation was about God's will and how difficult it is to pray for that to be done. And this week as I've watched his wife handle his coma and a battery of tests that never seemed to go our way ... she is a living testament to God's will. Yesterday, Gerry went onto heaven. I like to think he is on a mission to scout out good bands for us to hear one day.
Gerry was an interesting guy with a great knack for story telling. He was an awesome dad and he loved his brothers -- loved to tell stories about his family. He always made you feel good when you were around him and people adored him. He was smart and down to earth. He was very genuine and curious about everything. He exposed his kids to all different kinds of adventures. In early February, he didn't hesitate when we called him to go to the rodeo. I told him we were trying to decide who would be crazy enough to go to "Bulls and Barrels" and we had a great time cheering for the cowboys. It was a hoot and a great blast of redneck thrown in.
Throughout my journey last year Mandy, his wife, sent me great notes of encouragement and brought us terrific homemade bread and Gerry filled my inbox with thoughts on diet and how it might affect my side effects of chemo and radiation. Just last week, we were having a great discussion about Michael Pollan and our own personal Food Rules. Here were the ones he sent me last week:
No processed\simple carbs (bread, pasta, french fries, potatoes) unless immediately after work out
Meat, beans, leaves and berries should be primary foods.
If it comes from a factory don't eat it.
Green tea and fish oil every day
Supps: Vit D, Resveratrol, Zinc, Magnesium, COQ10, Turmeric and a big fat multi-vitamin.
I make exceptions of course, especially for beer and chocolate.
In this last week, Gerry taught me a lot about life and gave me yet another huge reminder that life is a gift and you never know when it might be taken away. People keep asking what they can do and right now ... Mandy just needs some time alone but I keep thinking there must be something so here's my list:
-- Give blood
-- Sign your organ donor card
-- Squeeze your loved ones and tell them you love them
-- Write a will and talk with your spouse no matter how uncomfortable the conversation
-- Eat healthy and plan to live a long time
-- Enjoy every day and thank God for all your blessings
-- Be genuinely nice
-- Have Faith and pray
We're really going to miss Gerry and we ache for his wife and kids. They have an amazing support system of family and friends; but we know there is nothing that can replace the love of their husband and father. If you have any suggestions for how we can help them through this difficult time, please share them with us.
Hug somebody.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
365 Days Later ... God Heals
Today is my one year anniversary of being a survivor. In some ways a lot has changed in a year and in other ways ... not much has changed at all. I'm still waiting the final results of my tests that I had run on Monday and my stitches are still healing from having the port catheter removed on Thursday. As I reflect back on the year, I'm so very thankful for all the kind words of encouragement, the prayers, the baby-sitters, the meals and all the help you've given our family.
I was fortunate enough to take the entire day as a vacation day to just spend with Jeff and the girls. I started the morning with a short run. I've got a long way to go before my half marathon in May but it felt good to just run my own pace and "talk to God" along the way. I'm really thankful for the overwhelming sense of peace that I have as I move forward with life. Then I drove carpool where the topic for three kindergartners was everything from dinner choices, maiden names, heaven and whether cats could feel a shot from the veterinarian. All that in just 20 minutes of driving! It was a riot! Jeff and I went for massages which was just an awesome feeling to be warm and mellow. Then we did a little window shopping and a nice lunch of shrimp and grits. I made banana blueberry chocolate chip bread with Rose this afternoon while Grace went with Jeff and Pete (our cat) to the vet. It was great to just spend the day focused on the family and our everyday mundane tasks. It was a great way to celebrate this milestone.
I'm preparing to moderate an awareness event for a ministry called "Hangin' on Faith" (wwww.hanginonfaith.com) on Friday night and I've keep coming back to this poem as I consider my remarks. Indeed, God heals ...
God Heals -- Author Unknown
Remember when you heard the words -- and your mind went blank -- you were in another world.
God heals.
Remember in your darkest hours -- when all that surrounds you is pain and sorrow
God heals.
Remember friends' prayers - your family's encouragement = glimmers of hope from everyday angels
God heals.
Quite ... you can hear Him now always there -- yet never close
God heals.
It's just another day -- yet everything has changed -- and you hear yourself say
God heals.
Birds are singing -- the sky is a beautiful blue - flowers are blooming ...
God heals.
Truths that you knew as a child -- awakened again with new understanding
God heals.
Remember when others can't - that life is a gift - each day to treasure.
God heals.
Amen! Indeed, I have felt that healing presence throughout the year.
Here's to many more years!
I was fortunate enough to take the entire day as a vacation day to just spend with Jeff and the girls. I started the morning with a short run. I've got a long way to go before my half marathon in May but it felt good to just run my own pace and "talk to God" along the way. I'm really thankful for the overwhelming sense of peace that I have as I move forward with life. Then I drove carpool where the topic for three kindergartners was everything from dinner choices, maiden names, heaven and whether cats could feel a shot from the veterinarian. All that in just 20 minutes of driving! It was a riot! Jeff and I went for massages which was just an awesome feeling to be warm and mellow. Then we did a little window shopping and a nice lunch of shrimp and grits. I made banana blueberry chocolate chip bread with Rose this afternoon while Grace went with Jeff and Pete (our cat) to the vet. It was great to just spend the day focused on the family and our everyday mundane tasks. It was a great way to celebrate this milestone.
I'm preparing to moderate an awareness event for a ministry called "Hangin' on Faith" (wwww.hanginonfaith.com) on Friday night and I've keep coming back to this poem as I consider my remarks. Indeed, God heals ...
God Heals -- Author Unknown
Remember when you heard the words -- and your mind went blank -- you were in another world.
God heals.
Remember in your darkest hours -- when all that surrounds you is pain and sorrow
God heals.
Remember friends' prayers - your family's encouragement = glimmers of hope from everyday angels
God heals.
Quite ... you can hear Him now always there -- yet never close
God heals.
It's just another day -- yet everything has changed -- and you hear yourself say
God heals.
Birds are singing -- the sky is a beautiful blue - flowers are blooming ...
God heals.
Truths that you knew as a child -- awakened again with new understanding
God heals.
Remember when others can't - that life is a gift - each day to treasure.
God heals.
Amen! Indeed, I have felt that healing presence throughout the year.
Here's to many more years!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Close to the year anniversary
I spent most of Monday afternoon with Dr. Graham, my onocologist. It was a regularly scheduled meeting to review my test results and hopefully declare me "NED" No Evidence of Disease. Unfortunately, we didn't have all the tests done yet (nurses screwed up the diagnostics being ordered) so I go in on Monday for the chest scans, mammograms, etc. and then I'll have a few days before he calls me to declare me NED.
He did start me on hormone treatments (for the next five years) ... which is great timing. They are running Duke Childrens Hospital fund raising on the radio right now. I'm crying in my car constantly as I hear these poor families talk about what cancer has done to their children. I could give away everything I own listening to these gut wrenching stories.
Today I went to have my port removed. It was implanted in my chest last March. The procedure itself only took a half hour and I was awake. (Although whatever they gave me for my nerves kicked in and I slept until nearly four today ... I made Jeff stop for a sausage biscuit on the way home. I kept falling asleep eating it and it kept falling back into my lap as he drove me home. I was a mess.) We started our appointment fighting with insurance. We switched insurance companies in Dec. and these doctors didn't take my new one and we had to call and get a special waiver to make sure that our insurance will pay for 80% of it. In the end they agreed to it but it was so distracting and nerve-wracking as three nurses stood waiting to start the procedure until we could get our insurance figured out. Makes me really worried about what the future of health care will be. I could have opted to keep the port but I would have to be on a daily blood thinner. Ridiculous. Anyway, I'm awake now and in minmal pain.
The doc did approve my ski trip for the weekend although he did warn against carrying and lifting the girls. I agreed. So, we're heading to Ski Beech with two other families from our church this weekend. I've been looking forward to this for weeks and probably should go pack while the girls are at swimming practice.
Hope all you that are snowed in aren't going crazy!
He did start me on hormone treatments (for the next five years) ... which is great timing. They are running Duke Childrens Hospital fund raising on the radio right now. I'm crying in my car constantly as I hear these poor families talk about what cancer has done to their children. I could give away everything I own listening to these gut wrenching stories.
Today I went to have my port removed. It was implanted in my chest last March. The procedure itself only took a half hour and I was awake. (Although whatever they gave me for my nerves kicked in and I slept until nearly four today ... I made Jeff stop for a sausage biscuit on the way home. I kept falling asleep eating it and it kept falling back into my lap as he drove me home. I was a mess.) We started our appointment fighting with insurance. We switched insurance companies in Dec. and these doctors didn't take my new one and we had to call and get a special waiver to make sure that our insurance will pay for 80% of it. In the end they agreed to it but it was so distracting and nerve-wracking as three nurses stood waiting to start the procedure until we could get our insurance figured out. Makes me really worried about what the future of health care will be. I could have opted to keep the port but I would have to be on a daily blood thinner. Ridiculous. Anyway, I'm awake now and in minmal pain.
The doc did approve my ski trip for the weekend although he did warn against carrying and lifting the girls. I agreed. So, we're heading to Ski Beech with two other families from our church this weekend. I've been looking forward to this for weeks and probably should go pack while the girls are at swimming practice.
Hope all you that are snowed in aren't going crazy!
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Fire on the Hill
We spent the weekend taking our clothes off and on ... nothing kinky mind you. Mittens. Scarves. Hats. Socks. Sweaters. If you like hard work, it was really wonderful. It was the fourth weekend in a row where we've just hung out at home all weekend. I spent a chunk of the weekend studying up on soybeans and never straying far from the fire.
And, when we did leave the house: we left it fast. Unlike most Southerners, we own five sleds. And, we've used them all. In fact, right now Jeff is sledding/walking the mile loop through the neighborhood on the runner sled. It's 9:00. At night. But the sledding is so invigorating and he won't get this opportunity tomorrow since I'm flying out of town and the girls are home from school. (Update: he just came back and reports it was the ride of his life and his longest run was at least a quarter mile long on the hills -- thank God he didn't meet a car.)
I spent much of the weekend in the kitchen, I tried to mimic the outstanding homemade yeast rolls and cinnamon buns that my mother made us as kids. My dinner rolls looked like small rocks but they had the yeast flavor I was craving. The cinnamon rolls this morning were pretty tasty so I think I redeemed myself.
It's funny ... between studying soybeans (my dad is a soybean farmer in Indiana) and thinking about all the great snow days we had with my mom ... I'm almost a little homesick.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
See Mom Be Positive
The girls are learning to read. It's both beautiful and frustrating to watch. It is often hard not to fill in their pauses while they think. It's kind of sad too because reading is one of the few times I snuggle with the girls ... and soon they won't need me. Grace is grasping reading quickly and it comes relatively easy for her. Last night as Grace read me Dr. Seuss's Hop on Pop as a bed time story, Rose hid under her bed pouting. So tonight we pulled out a vintage "Dick and Jane" book and Rose quickly read the first two chapters. I think it helped boost her confidence. I want them both to love reading, it just opens the mind to so many possibilities and will make life so much easier if they enjoy it.
We had a great sermon at Asbury today. Proverbs 18:21 was the foundation ... "The tongue has the power of life and death,and those who love it will eat its fruit." As you can imagine, the focus was on positive words and how important it is to have a positive and kind attitude. The pastor had dozens of examples from complaining about the weather to the price of gas to what we're eating. It really hit me that my perspective lately has been quite sour and I'm probably taking it out on those that I love most. A positive attitude is something I have to constantly work on. Ironically, last year when I had so much to be bitter about ... I was amazingly upbeat. Why is that? Why is it so difficult to be grateful for the everyday things? I am so blessed in so many ways with friends, with family and even with work. It had never occurred to me to pray for a positive outlook before today. I always prayed for positive results ... maybe I need a new approach.
Tomorrow Rebecca and I are taking the girls to the women's UNC/NC State College Basketball game. I can't wait. Rebecca scored these tickets through a lottery at work and was kind enough to invite us. I want the girls to experience lots of different things so I'm quite thrilled for this opportunity. I'm cheering for NC State.
Today is the one year anniversary of the death of their Coach, Kay Yow. I didn't know her although I was genuinely sad last year to hear she passed. All the media and locals say she was a great coach and a great woman. She was diagnosed with cancer in 1987 and fought it for many years. Last year I would have said we had nothing in common but a year later, I have spent many hours with her oncologist, Dr. Graham. He's mentioned her determination and spirit several times. She was only 67 when she passed away ... a year ago today. Locally she did a lot to raise the awareness of breast cancer and was a great role model of how to handle it. So for the game, I can't decide if I should wear my survivor shirt or my NC State sweatshirt. Regardless, I'm excited to go to the game. Go Pack.
Have a great week!
We had a great sermon at Asbury today. Proverbs 18:21 was the foundation ... "The tongue has the power of life and death,and those who love it will eat its fruit." As you can imagine, the focus was on positive words and how important it is to have a positive and kind attitude. The pastor had dozens of examples from complaining about the weather to the price of gas to what we're eating. It really hit me that my perspective lately has been quite sour and I'm probably taking it out on those that I love most. A positive attitude is something I have to constantly work on. Ironically, last year when I had so much to be bitter about ... I was amazingly upbeat. Why is that? Why is it so difficult to be grateful for the everyday things? I am so blessed in so many ways with friends, with family and even with work. It had never occurred to me to pray for a positive outlook before today. I always prayed for positive results ... maybe I need a new approach.
Tomorrow Rebecca and I are taking the girls to the women's UNC/NC State College Basketball game. I can't wait. Rebecca scored these tickets through a lottery at work and was kind enough to invite us. I want the girls to experience lots of different things so I'm quite thrilled for this opportunity. I'm cheering for NC State.
Today is the one year anniversary of the death of their Coach, Kay Yow. I didn't know her although I was genuinely sad last year to hear she passed. All the media and locals say she was a great coach and a great woman. She was diagnosed with cancer in 1987 and fought it for many years. Last year I would have said we had nothing in common but a year later, I have spent many hours with her oncologist, Dr. Graham. He's mentioned her determination and spirit several times. She was only 67 when she passed away ... a year ago today. Locally she did a lot to raise the awareness of breast cancer and was a great role model of how to handle it. So for the game, I can't decide if I should wear my survivor shirt or my NC State sweatshirt. Regardless, I'm excited to go to the game. Go Pack.
Have a great week!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
2010 ... A New Decade and A New Perspective on Life
It's been nearly a month since I updated my blog. It's been on my list of "to do's" right under send out Christmas cards and send my much overdue thank you notes. Admittedly, I've been trying not to spend every night online.
We had a great holiday with about a week prior to Christmas spent here at home enjoying time with our family and friends. The girls and I enjoyed the Nutcracker one afternoon, I went to the Picasso exhibit one day and shopping with a friend one afternoon. Rebecca and I were able to have our annual "Cookie Day" and this year we had Mom with us which was extra special. We also did a Christmas Eve Jingle Bell run with 30 runners or so from the Finley YMCA. And, the day after Christmas we drove to northern Indiana which allowed us to visit with the Camdens and enjoy frigid days loaded with sledding and much card playing. The holdiays were a great ending to a very long year. I have to admit that cancer has made me really priortize people and family and it was great to have time to enjoy my family this year. I try not to be emotional but it was extra special.
Several of you have asked how I'm doing and what's going on. The short answer is that overall I feel great. I joke that I feel older. My body certainly isn't recovering like it used to. I don't know if it is the effects of another year or lingering effects of chemo. My shoulder is probably the most annoying issue. The radiation wreaked havoc on the muscle and I'm working hard to get it stretched out and regain my strength in my arms. My thermostat is also off ... one minute I can be comfortable and the next I'm sweating bullets. It's really annoying but I think I'll manage through it for the next few years as they shut my estrogen down. I go back to my oncologist, Dr. Graham, in early February and also get my port removed in mid-Feb. I'm a little anxious to get both of those appointments behind me.
I'm back at work full time and finally starting to settle into a routine. I took on new responsibiities for agribusiness development last year and I'm finally getting to really dive into it. Last year I never felt like I could make a huge impact and it's rewarding to immerse myself back into agribusiness. The girls are back in school and also taking swimming lessons twice a week. We've been doing a few crafts every weekend and that's been a blast! Jeff is managing the household and trying to keep us all moving in the same direction ... and in his free time, he is catching a few basketball games. We're also training for a half marathon so we're talking tennis shoes and running routes most nights.
That's the update from Raleigh. More later, maybe even a few pictures. Go Boilers!
Happy New Year!
We had a great holiday with about a week prior to Christmas spent here at home enjoying time with our family and friends. The girls and I enjoyed the Nutcracker one afternoon, I went to the Picasso exhibit one day and shopping with a friend one afternoon. Rebecca and I were able to have our annual "Cookie Day" and this year we had Mom with us which was extra special. We also did a Christmas Eve Jingle Bell run with 30 runners or so from the Finley YMCA. And, the day after Christmas we drove to northern Indiana which allowed us to visit with the Camdens and enjoy frigid days loaded with sledding and much card playing. The holdiays were a great ending to a very long year. I have to admit that cancer has made me really priortize people and family and it was great to have time to enjoy my family this year. I try not to be emotional but it was extra special.
Several of you have asked how I'm doing and what's going on. The short answer is that overall I feel great. I joke that I feel older. My body certainly isn't recovering like it used to. I don't know if it is the effects of another year or lingering effects of chemo. My shoulder is probably the most annoying issue. The radiation wreaked havoc on the muscle and I'm working hard to get it stretched out and regain my strength in my arms. My thermostat is also off ... one minute I can be comfortable and the next I'm sweating bullets. It's really annoying but I think I'll manage through it for the next few years as they shut my estrogen down. I go back to my oncologist, Dr. Graham, in early February and also get my port removed in mid-Feb. I'm a little anxious to get both of those appointments behind me.
I'm back at work full time and finally starting to settle into a routine. I took on new responsibiities for agribusiness development last year and I'm finally getting to really dive into it. Last year I never felt like I could make a huge impact and it's rewarding to immerse myself back into agribusiness. The girls are back in school and also taking swimming lessons twice a week. We've been doing a few crafts every weekend and that's been a blast! Jeff is managing the household and trying to keep us all moving in the same direction ... and in his free time, he is catching a few basketball games. We're also training for a half marathon so we're talking tennis shoes and running routes most nights.
That's the update from Raleigh. More later, maybe even a few pictures. Go Boilers!
Happy New Year!
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