Seoul, Korea

I survived a 15 hour plane ride and am struggling to figure out how to change my watch or clock to military time. Thus, I am stalking the gate agent to make sure I don't miss my flight to Ho Chi Minh (formerly known as Saigon).

Ironically, the terminal here is well stocked with familiar US brands -- Caribou Coffee, Smoothie King, Subway and more. There are dozens of makeup and perfume counters but the signage for the flight departures is slightly tougher to read/make out.

I tried to sleep on the plane although it wasn't as easy as I would have liked. My big splurge for the trip were noise cancellation headphones. I can't say enough about them. Since I was in row 54 toward the very, very back of the plane -- they blocked out all the engine noise and made it a nearly peaceful ride. If they could just add padding to these seats.

And, en route, I've been studying my repsonsibilies for the next few days. I have very big shoes to fill and I think all of the attention to detail will pay off but I'm still a little nervous.

Black Friday ... One for the Record Books

Good Morning. And, Merry Christmas! (It's slightly after Thanksgiving ...) This morning the family dropped me at the airport at 7:00 a.m. (It's remarkably empty.) And, from here I will begin my journey to Vietnam. It will take three flights and approx. 23 hours in the air. Needless to say, I have a fair amount of angst tumbling around inside me. I've tried praying and redirecting but I'm nervous.

Over the last few months, I've been trying to figure out "what I want to be when I grow up" and while I still don't have the answers (I'm not leaving my agency -- just refining some roles and transitioning things as part of career growth), I wanted more international opportunities so I should be thrilled (and I am). But, I'm very nervous as well.

Grace had a minor anxiety attack on our way back from Williamsburg last night and I'm certain that it's connected to my leaving the country. I wanted to join her but figured that really wouldn't help anyone out -- especially Jeff. Jeff has been amazing. He helped get me doctors appointments for shots (I finally got them in DC where he and my aunt got me an appointment) and picked up prescriptions, he has researched and studied and helped me prepare all the way until this morning when he delivered me to the airport. I will miss his sense of calm over the coming 8 days. And, while Rose has been very stoic -- I noticed a lot more hand holding yesterday and some "cuddle time" before we left the hotel.

Why am I going? I'm going to oversee the logistics for a meeting for about 100 people. I love this type of responsibility and the thrill of making a plan come together. It's not really my plan as I'm stepping in with just about 10 days notice for a colleague who suddenly can't travel. She has done an amazing job and her attention to detial has been remarkable. Regardless, my biggest angst is the translations and currency exchange. Otherwise, I'm excited to be asked to lead this. If I can just get over the urge to throw up everytime I think about it ... I'll be fine. And, I just realized that I forgot my last typhoid fever pill at home this morning ... not much I can do about it now ...

Today, I'll miss the Black Friday sales (although I rarely go but love to watch they hype) and I think this week the family will put up our Christmas tree which I will really miss that and the carols. And, I feel like a Scrooge but I'll also miss out on the girls piano recital next weekend -- third time in a row for work -- amazing.

It's been nearly a year since I last wrote here and I've missed the outlet to share my feelings and concerns, celebrations and angst so I figured over the next few days that I'd journal my experiences.

If you're reading this and see my family this week, please give them an extra hug or squeeze. They are in excellent hands and Jeff really runs the house without me most of the time but I'll miss touching base regularly (I'll be 12 hours ahead of them).

And, I'd appreciate any prayers you can offer. Prayers for peace and patience, energy and strength and of course, good health.

Happy Black Friday.

Putting Jesus back in Christmas

It's been several months since my last post and we've been busy with school, work and the holidays. I've been trying to minimize my computer time at home. Tonight, I'm camped out in a stale hotel room in New York City trying to take a few minutes before the holiday hits in full force later this week. My parents are coming to town and I'm thrilled to be hosting them! This is the 2nd or 3rd year that we've been in our own home and we're still working on building some of our own traditions. It's one of the perks of parenthood!

Throughout the holidays this year, our girls have challenged us to put more of Jesus back into Christmas. It's just a few days away and I'm still struggling for things we can do throughout Christmas day to re enforce the reason for the season.

We've filled shoe boxes and shipped them off, we've collected gloves, mittens, hats and coats and delivered them. We've instilled in the girls the importance of giving money to various charities and we have completed the top of a quilt to give to someone who is homeless. (Grace actually wants to give it to a man that she sees regularly on the corner after school.)

So, I've "borrowed" the idea of telling the Christmas story from a point of view of a specific character on Christmas morning. The assignments have been made ... Rose wants to tell the story as if she were a sheep, Grace choose baby Jesus and I'm torn between either an angel or Mary. Jeff hasn't decided and I've warned my parents that they'll need to participate! I hope one of them takes the vantage point of the wise men. The idea is that we'll each tell what we think the nativity might have been like from our point-of-view. I figure we'll also spend time reading Luke 2:1-20 to make sure we capture that first ... but I'm curious ... do you have ideas? Do you have family traditions that you can share?

As a kid, I grew up traveling a lot over the holidays and I don't think we have a lot of traditions ... other than AWESOME food that my mother makes. We also usually went to midnight mass which is still special to me, and to Jeff as well. I don't think we'll spend every family at home so I'm looking for traditions that we can "take on the road." So, I'm asking ... what is a tradition? And, how can we make sure that it has impact for the girls?

The new autumn color -- Pink

I've never been particularly fond of pink. I'm more of a red person. Frankly, it bothers me that all the lovely autumn colors like green, orange and red are being relegated to the back of the closet to celebrate "Pink" month. Don't get me wrong, I'm very appreciative of all the efforts to raise awareness and fund raising for breast cancer research ... That research and awareness probably saved my life and definitely made the treatment easier through all the research funded by Komen and American Cancer Society. What has surprised me is that it has been such a reminder of last year. Some days it feels like it's hitting me all over again. It certainly doesn't help that I have had so many friends and acquanitences be diagnosed recently.

I'm reading Promise Me by Nancy Brinker. It's the history of the Komen foundation and while I'm only halfway through it, I have found it to be a love story. It's the story of two sisters who loved each other fiercely and a family that worked very hard to make healthcare better and easier for everyone. The book is a good balance between the history of cancer and the foundation, blended with family stories about Susan and Nancy growing up. Other than the obvious chapter about Susan succumbing to the disease, the other chapter that gave me pause was the history of the mastectomy and painstaking detail of what that was like before modern medicine, especially pain medicine! I can't imagine what our ancestors went through. I'm shocked anyone survived that.

So, I've been a little emotional. Overall, I'm fine. Probably even better than fine. I went in for my calcium shot last week and got a clean bill of health. I'm running nearly 20 miles a week and have full range of motion in my arm. There is not much I can complain about. (Yet, I still have a long list of complaints.)

The girls love school and are both thriving. Tonight they are with Jeff at a Y-Princess camp out with their tribe called Blazing Saddles. The weatherman forecast a low of 37 tonight and Jeff was hacking and wheezing before he ever left home. Bouncing Bunny (Grace) and Twisted Vine (Rose) were so excited that Hunting Wolf (Jeff) couldn't let them down. So he took them. I recommended they come home to sleep (they are only about 10 miles from the house) but they would have none of it. So, while they enjoy sleeping on the ground under a beautiful harvest moon ... I am tucked snuggly in our bed with the electric blanket on me and a fat cat curled at my feet. What am I doing without them? Thus far, I've had the luxury of shopping at the Junior League Shopping Spree and an Italian dinner with a girlfriend. I'm planning to run at least 8 miles in the morning. Life is good. This is the best camp out EVER ... okay, I was actually jealous when I heard about hashbrowns and bacon for breakfast although I do like having the entire bed to myself!

I've missed blogging but have struggled with what is interesting and appropriate to post. I hope to get back to it this fall in between training for a half marathon, finishing up a couple quilts, getting ready for the girls birthday and the holidays, a vacation to the Smokies, work for a school board that I'm on, my role at church and of course ... my job. I am ready for the holidays to refresh and take some time off.

When you look into your closet tomorrow ... embrace Pink for the women in your life. We can wear red in November!

One Year Anniversary

Rose told me at dinner tonight that she had her first grade class (private school)praise God today because I'm a survivor. She must have heard Jeff and I talking that indeed, today is the one year anniversary of my surgery. She told me she was really glad that I'm a survivor. It surprised me that she even thinks about it since I feel like we've moved on and seldom mention it. We jokingly celebrated with chicken pot pie from Asbury United Methodist Church and a very over-zealous schedule of ballet, soccer and Y Princesses.

The house is quiet now and it's given me a few minutes to reflect on the last few months when we've gone at full speed seldom slowing down to rest. I just passed all my exams, mammogram, chest x-ray, bloodwork, etc. and there is "no evidence of disease". Yet when Rose brings my cancer up out of the blue I have to think there is actually still evidence of disease. Cancer definitely changed me. There is evidence, beyond the physical scars, that cancer permeated my family. We're a little closer as a family, I have much stronger friendships than I did prior to cancer, I'm not shy about telling people how much I appreciate them and I have a lot more empathy for those around me. Yes, there is still "evidence of the disease" but it's much more positive than I ever expected.

Live life large.

Ann's Fans Run It Out!

This past weekend was Race for the Cure. My team, led by my sister, Ann's Fans raised more than $5,000 for the Komen Foundation! I couldn't be more proud or thankful to all who contributed and supported me and my family along the way. Thank you. Between this year and last year, Ann's Fans has raised more than $17,000 for Komen!

I wasn't sure what to expect going into the race this year. I was nervous about how my emotions would settle out. It is difficult to believe that last year it was difficult to walk the full three miles. I just keep remembering that last year I didn't have much hair and I was pretty exhausted just walking up the hill. This year was very different.

We arrived at 6:30 on race day and there were pink shirts everywhere ... until we toed it up on the start line for the 7:00 a.m. competitive race. There were only 34 competitive survivors and I was proud to be one of them. My dad, brother-in-law and sister all joined Nancy and I for the big "fast" run. My goal was to break 30 minutes and to finish in the top ten -- for survivors.

It was hot from the start and we ran a great first half but after that the heat started to take it's toll. By the 2.5 mile marker, I had to walk a bit to catch my breath after a few of the hills and I ran all over the road to catch every sprinkler that was along the road. In the end, I finished at 31:11 and in 11th place. I didn't quite make my goal but it gives me a good baseline to work toward. I'm most proud of Frances Widmann. I don't know her but she is a 74 year old survivor that beat me by about a minute! She must have a lot of spunk and moxy!

After we cooled off from that race, we went to meet the rest of the team under the trees. We had a total of about 60 members on the team and dozens more donated. I had great support from Gibbs & Soell and I saw several of the young ladies from the office on race morning. We also had a good showing from Asbury United Methodist Church.

At 8:45 it felt like it was 100 degrees out and we were sweating before we started. We walked a lot of the race with our friends, the Jeffries. Andrew, as always, was prepared with water bottles and squirt guns which kept all four of the kids interested and moving forward. The sprinklers on the second half of the course couldn't come fast enough for them. I'm not sure they could have been any wetter if they were in a pool. My brother and his wife joined us as well and pushed my nephews along the way ... they were coated in sweat. My mom met us all at the finish line and we walked it in together! That's always the highlight for me. It's great to have such awesome support.

Suffice to say, we had a great time. The Race for the Cure is such an awesome event when you see all the pink shirts and women in so many stages of life who have been affected by this miserable disease. As we crossed the finish line, there was a man holding a poster of a beautiful woman and the dates of her life were written below her photo. She'd passed sometime earlier this year. Rose asked me why he was carrying her poster and I explained that she had died and couldn't be there to run. Rose asked the obvious question: how she died. I said, "cancer, probably" and Rose's blue eyes got huge and her eyebrows shot up. I quickly dropped to my knee and explained to her that I'm very healthy right now and she doesn't need to worry. I had a tear in my eye though. And, a fellow survivor patted me on the back and congratulated me on a job well done. She had a tear too. I don't think she meant the race.

Peace.

Nothing Mini About It

Looking back, it’s still pretty amazing to me that I was lucky enough to run with SEVEN family members in the Indy Mini. In early May. Of 2010.

I had hoped to run the Indy Mini last year but I didn’t sign up early enough … so my friend Nancy Zech ran it last year and boasted about how great it was. Subsequently, at one of our family events last year we all started talking about running the Mini. And, one thing led to another and in early November, seven of my close friends and family signed up for the Mini. My husband and I are both from Indiana and he’s a huge Indy car fan so when he heard you get to run the track … even he signed up.

Training was tough. First, it’s tough for both of us to train and find times throughout the weekend to schedule long runs around church, soccer and other commitments – including and especially -- laziness. Second, I’m not in as good of shape as I was last year … the effects of chemo and radiation definitely took a toll on my body.

Checking the weather as we packed we knew it would be chilly. I was stressing about which shoes to wear. On long runs, my new Saucony shoes leave my toes feeling like someone took a baseball bat to the base of all my toes. My older shoes, Asics, often cause my knee to hurt and I think the lack of padding changes my stride. At the last minute, I took my old shoes.

On Friday, Jeff and the girls and I had a leisurely lunch with my former travel buddy in the rice field of Louisiana where she provided us with great knowledge of the course – including where her “patent pending pit toilet” strategy. It came in real handy on Mile 6. We ran into a dear friend from high school at packet pick-up and had just a few minutes to exchange pleasantries and wish each other luck.

Throughout the afternoon, friends and family started converging on the Spring Hill Suites which was located right at the start line. Most of us could see it from our hotel windows. I can't say enough about the SpringHill Suites, it was great!

With our support crew and cheerleaders, there were 17 of us at TGIFridays (a very short walk from the hotel in what may have been a smattering of rain) for our pre-race dinner. Nearly half the table enjoyed the Bruschetta pasta dinner. Selection was slim! The weather report was predicting 40 degrees and windy. We were all strategizing about what to wear – tights, shorts, Capri, long sleeves or short … the list went on.

Someone had mentioned beach balls and as we made our way to Corral O, the place was crazy with hundreds of beach balls bouncing over heads. With 1,500 runners in each corral, it was a sea of arms fending off these ferocious beach balls. They came faster and harder as we waited for the starting gun.

Finally, we were off. Within two miles, we had seen at least four bands of varying talents and skills, the 33 Indy princesses working a water stop and an elephant! That’s right … you run past the zoo and along the river for a while. It was at mile 2 that I waved my 67 year old father, my sister and my sister-in-law (who just had a baby in Nov.) onward. My race strategy was to walk about a tenth of a mile at every mile marker. Only Jeff stayed behind with me.

We motored on … usually in silence … just enjoying the many, many bands. We ate our Gu, we nibbled on shot blocks. There were water stops and Gatorade at every half mile. It was a well stocked course. You could throw a water cup behind you and it would get caught in the gusts and pass you … As usual, I had an old t-shirt to shed … it took me until mile 3 or 4 to drop it off. I then was sporting my new “Will Run for Wine” shirt in a nice Merlot color!

About mile 6, we were running through an industrial section of town and finally turned right onto “Main Street” in Speedway. It was our route into THE track. The Brickyard. While the stands were deserted, it was cool and awe inspiring to imagine what it must be like to race there. This is where my lunch with Carla really paid off and I took her advice to find the third set of pit toilets … where there were toilets that flushed with no line! I washed the Gu off my hands.

Our walk/run strategy was working well until we hit the track. It was just so cool that we walked a lot! We pulled out our digital camera and staged a few photo opps of the runners, the stands and the enormity of the track. There is only one yard of bricks remaining at the Brickyard and the tradition is that the winner of the 500 kisses them … we took the opportunity! It was great! I’ll post pictures on Facebook.
Meanwhile, we kept passing and getting passed by a woman who was running in just a running bra and was fairly pregnant. About 4 or 5 months. She stopped at every port-a-jon and we stopped at every mile which gave us a game of cat and mouse all the way back to the start line! We ran past an older man in his 60’s or more who wasn’t wearing a shirt … might not have been so memorable if you couldn’t see his thong that he was wearing … no it wasn’t a jock strap! It was a thong! Seriously!

The course back was overall unremarkable and the crowds were sparse (they may have been blown east to Ohio). We did pass a restaurant/bar that offered fresh fish and frog legs. We were temped. We trotted along and at one time picked up a sweatshirt as a souvenir for my friend Nancy … but we quickly tired of carrying it and shed it near IUPUI. My brother called me as we were entering mile 10 and let me know he was at the 13 mile marker. We trudged on. Jeff and I were both starting to get tired and were trying not to complain.

Finally you could see the crowds and we passed the final water break, which was the Indy princesses again! Jeff and I kept going and saw our girls and my mother and brother right beyond mile marker 13 just as we were finishing! I really felt like I earned this medal! We ran into my Uncle John and Cousin Mike at the finish line.
Apparently, somewhere along the way, we passed my dad, sister and sister-in-law – they were probably in line for the potty! They finished shortly behind us.

I feel really lucky. This time last year I was bald and in the worst of the chemo. It was difficult to walk just 2 or 3 miles … so it feels great to have made such progress in a year. I couldn’t have done it without a whole lot of support. Thanks to Stephanie and Nancy for dragging me out on so many mornings when I really didn’t want to go. Thanks to my family for believing in me and supporting me and being such great examples of a healthy lifestyle. And, I’m really proud of my husband … who barely trained for this and was a real champ. His biggest concern was me and I’m really lucky to have him. Congrats on your first half!

As I think about our next adventure though … I have to wonder if we could morph into the kind of family that just rent s a house on the beach for the week, or goes on a cruise, or just has a reunion with barbecue and carrot cake in the backyard. And, while we’re all there we could talk about running Nashville or Disney or Vegas or …