The Battle of the Brain

Before I tell my story, in my defense ... my arm hurt on Sunday morning before I left the house. It's probably no surprise that I've been called stubborn and hard headed. I'm sure it'll happen again. I'm sure I have a fair amount of self pride and yet at the same time, I'm very insecure about asking for help. It's easier to ask a friend to help than to approach a stranger. So, when it came to hoisting my bag into the overhead bin on an airplane earlier this week, I went against common sense, a vow to Jeff that I would ask for help and the advice of my oncologist -- I lifted the bag over the heads of several muscular and capable men.

I could see Jeff and Dr. G admonishing me before I even took my seat. My arm throbs and I'm struggling to hold my arm straight. Like I said, in all fairness to me, it hurt before I left on Sunday. I'd like to think that I'm going to learn from this ... but lets face it, I'm stubborn and when I travel next week I think I'll try to find a way to carry a super-small bag that will fit under the seat. Then I won't have to talk to a stranger. But this weekend, when I am thrilled to be going to the beach with my quilting girlfriends ... I will ask for help lugging my machine up the steps.

Meanwhile, I'm off to the radiologist tomorrow to try and make a mold so I can start my radiation next week. They are supposed to make a foam mold of me so I will lay in the same exact position for 33 treatments. I have to be able to hold my arm behind my head for about 15 minutes tomorrow. I'm nervous. I hate the changing of treatments. I feel like someone keeps moving my cheese. Not to mention the waiting room is in the basement of the hospital in the cancer ward. I feel sicker just parking the car.

I really thinking fighting cancer is mental. If I can just overcome my brain or lack thereof ... I can beat this thing if it doesn't break me first. I'm just tired of fighting.

God Bless,
Ann