The Fifth Treatment

I'm not sure if it was my medication or just stress from a very busy personal and professional week, but Thursday was tough. I had really bad vertigo with the room swinging from side to side, words on a page jumping around and total exhaustion. It certainly didn't help that I just can't seem to sleep a lot. At first I thought it was because I took my Benadryl too early in the morning and on an empty stomach. I have to take it before chemo and it seemed to kick the world off it's axis. Even this morning, Sat, I'm still having episodes where the world just isn't straight and steady. It's annoying.

My Physician's Assistant measured the mass again on Thurs. or at least she tried to. It's difficult to determine where the mass stops and the scar tissue starts. That's a good thing in that it's shrunk a lot. She really encouraged us to start thinking ahead to the end of July and what surgery options we may prefer. I was hoping for MRI results before we make that final decision. While my oncologist is known for his breast conservation, I still struggle with the thought of it coming back and lean towards total annihilation which brings up a whole host of other issues. She asked our preference and my preference is to never have cancer again. I don't ever want to go through this again. She sent us home with a stack of green papers to read about reconstruction options. I wonder now if that's a sign ... I have a lot of praying to do, I just wonder if I'm being still enough to hear the answers.

As much as I'm ready for chemo to end ... I'm especially nervous and anxious about August and the choices we'll make, the surgery I'll have and the girls starting school all at the same time -- separated for the first time ever. And, work is picking up momentum on a few special projects I'm working on ... I'd like to be able to close the deal on a few of those irons in the fire if I could just get more hours in a week.

For now, I'm going to celebrate that I get a week reprieve from chemo and hopefully the sweet corn is ready in the Midwest. We're all ready for a change of scenery.

Ann