Last night on a walk around our neighborhood, out of nowhere Rose told me she was glad I didn't die during treatment and asked why I walked with the survivors at the Race for the Cure if I was still going to treatments and doctor appointments all the time. I wasn't a surivor yet. And, then the girls told me they were glad I was finally done. (Twenty weeks of appointments is a very, very long time.) I struggled with how to answer because I want to CELEBRATE the end of chemo ... but I am still facing several more months of various treatments. It was difficult for them to comprehend that I'm done with the first of three big and very different steps of treatment but that we celebrate our accomplishments as we earn them. I hope this all makes sense to them one day. It's certainly still surreal to me some days.
It's not for lack of great questions or healthy conversation with my oncologist today ... but I still don't have a concrete plan. I need facts and figures. So, I've got another more appointments next week for an MRI and a meeting with my surgeon to lay out the second phase which is some type of surgery. My sister, Rebecca, and Jeff and I sat with the doctor from 11-2 or so asking lots of questions and hearing lots of statistics. I was thrilled they were there for me to take copious notes and have a different and often clarifying perspective. I take a lot of drugs during chemo that leave me very foggy and difficult with comprehension so it's great to have four extra ears to rely on.
We are celebrating as a family this weekend the way all North Carolinians celebrate -- surf and sand. But, as I go to bed tonight I go back to my Scripture verse that I first latched onto when I was diagnosed ...I have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7
Blessings to you all,
Ann
Ann,
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that you are having open and honest discussions with your children about what you are going through. So often I see parents who try to shield their children from tough situations and act as if nothing has changed. In my experience, that leads to confusion and anger. Not open and honest conversations like the ones you're having.
I know it's hard, and it's not likely to get easier anytime soon, but I am proud of you for how you are dealing with this awful diseases.
Beth
Ann, the girls are very perceptive and I overheard a conversation they were having with my boys yesterday. There was lots of give and take with none of the awkwardness that adult conversations sometimes have.
ReplyDeleteThey were talking about how you still have to see the doctor but also how you are done with some of the medicine. They talked about how your hair is growing back and it's brown (they did say "like Stephen's" --funny, you are not coming back as a redhead, from what I could see, but your hair is closer to your natural color than when it started growing 3 weeks ago). You and Jeff are doing a great job keeping them informed truthfully in a way that doesn't scare them, and they do seem to appreciate the small celebrations along the road to recovery.
love,
Steph
Wow!! Rose asks some tough questions. She's more introspective than you would think. Maybe you could explain it to them as being like one of Aunt Becca's tri's, with three different and very difficult activities (your in T-1 right now, but do it like Mark--relax, take time for a massage and a drink, then look for your bike).
ReplyDeleteI pray that as you continue to ask questions and gather information, the best course will be revealed, but for now, live in the moment. You had a great "swim". Celebrate, and then move on to the next challenge. You're going to win.
love, dad