So, yesterday I had to leave work. I was overcome by nausea and dizziness and I was seeing double. It was humbling and frustrating. I was pissed. I should be better than that. I had to ask Jeff to come get me and he looked frightened when he met me at the door. I felt pathetic.
And, I shared my frustration with my running partners and Nancy ... who must live on the Internet ... sent me this video. It's Derek Redmond finishing the 1992 Barcelona Olympics and his Father coming out to help him across that line. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1YhP5zSicdk The music and the text is beautiful, it's about how our heavenly Father is here for us ... not sitting in the stands when we need him. It had me in tears sitting at my desk earlier today but I can't shake the image of Derek crying on his fathers shoulder. It goes along with the devotional I'm reading called "Bend in the Road" which is all about how cancer is just a disruption and a bend in the road and how you never really learn anything if it's handed to you ... that you have to work for things and you learn more from suffering than any other way.
So yesterday I weighed in on my Father's shoulder ... and although it still doesn't explain why this is happening to me. But it feels good to know I'm not alone. And, I'll tell everyone that a lot of good things has come from this cancer already ... but it was a really tough way to start the week.
Today was a great day. I went for a short run and a good walk. And, everyone in my office wore a hat in support of me. Nearly 40 ball caps, fedoras, etc. all worn for the duration of the day. It was humbling and a great show of support. I couldn't adequately say thank you today and I need to but I was afraid I'd break down if I said much ...
Onto tomorrow ... thanks for all your prayers. They get me/us out of bed in the morning.
Glad your day went better today. That is a really amazing video.
ReplyDeleteYour strength and perseverance are never in doubt. Just like the other day when you were tired and could only walk a little way. You're on a hill right now--it's bigger than the biggest hill at Umstead--and you can't see the crest yet. But it's up there. Today the road leveled a bit, and you cruised along. You know you're going to get to the top, but some places are steeper than others.
But, you're right about one thing--you're not on that hill alone. Your family, friends and faith will run with you on the sunny days, walk with you on the cloudy days, and carry you on the rainy days.
love,
Steph
I just wanted to tell you what an inspiration you are to me. When things aren't going well on the farm--as they often don't--I think of how insignificant my problems are compared to yours. Of course, by then I've usually lost my temper and sworn at something or kicked it, but I'm trying to work on that.
ReplyDeleteHope the rest of your week went as well as Tuesday and that you're having a beautiful weekend.
love, dad